What is financial infidelity?
Financial infidelity hides financial information, financial transactions, and other important money matters from your spouse or a partner with whom you have a committed relationship that involves handling financial matters together.
I want to use Tagalog words to underline the effect. This is an “infidelity”.
It might come as a shock to some who are so used to having their “own money” even when married. So let’s set some groundwork here by answering the following questions.
1. Have you signed a prenuptial agreement that exempts your marriage from absolute community of property under the Philippine Constitution? (To learn more about this, read or see One Heart, One Soul, One Balance Sheet.)
The reason our Constitution provides for absolute community of property is that the family is the basic unit of society. For this reason, resources such as money are assumed to be used fairly for the benefit of family members.
2. Did you have a verbal but very clear agreement with your partner that you would not mix your funds? Note that this is provided that each partner has adequate financial resources.
3. Are you in an abusive relationship that requires you to secretly set aside funds in order to eventually escape your abusive breadwinner? (The common example of this is a woman who lacks access to family income and sufficient resources of her own, leaving her to endure abuse.)
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, failure to disclose financial transactions, information and other significant financial matters cannot be considered financial embezzlement. However, if you answered no to all of the above, then there should be full financial disclosure.
Here are 10 signs you may be guilty of financial infidelity, or “financial infidelity”:
1. You hide your debts from your partner.
2. You hide your excessive spending from your partner.
3. They lie about using family funds.
4. You siphon money from family accounts to other parties without prior consent/notification from your partner.
5. You make large expenses without your partner’s consent, which can affect your family’s financial situation.
6. You lie about your income. Note that this can take the form of underestimating your income or lying about losing your source of income.
7. You lend large amounts of money without your partner’s consent.
8. You hide your bank accounts and credit card debt from your partner.
9. You sell family assets without your partner’s consent.
10. You pledge family assets without your partner’s consent.
How many have you checked in the list above? 1/10? 2/10? 5/10? Or 10/10?
Prevent financial infidelity
Like any form of infidelity, it usually begins with an innocent and seemingly safe act, with no intention of hurting the loved one. Just like a simple coffee with an ex without letting your partner know can lead to a full blown fling, prematurely buying a luxury item with credit card debt without letting your sweetheart know can also lead to full blown financial infidelity! Even the noble act of helping your relatives and friends by giving or borrowing money without your spouse’s consent/knowledge can eventually lead to a full blown Pinansyal na pagtataksil!
Here are steps to avoid financial infidelity.
1. Have a marital record. Update this regularly with your honey. The “sunlight is the best disinfectant” principle works not only in treating disease and protecting public funds through transparency, but also in your financial life as a married couple. Both parties should know where the family money is. (Go to FQMom.com to learn more about the balance sheet; email [email protected] if you would like a copy of the High FQ balance sheet template.)
2. Have an ego fund. Most instances of non-disclosure of financial matters result from a sense of loss of autonomy over money. It’s a shame you still have to ask your spouse if you can go to the salon, hang out with your friends, etc. If you have separate Me funds for each partner, where you have full autonomy, this problem will be solved, provided of course that you do not have symptom number 4 in the list of 10 characters.
3. Ask yourself, “Why don’t I want to share this financial matter with my spouse?” Is it because he/she doesn’t allow me to? Is it because I feel like it’s too much? Will he understand me if I say I want to do this? It could be any reason. So asking yourself the question, “Why don’t I want to disclose this?” will bring you a clearer understanding of your relationship with your partner. It allows you to address any issues that may be buried somewhere but need attention.
4. Always be goal oriented when talking about how you spend, save and invest. Rather than accusing your partner of being too magastic or making the wrong savings and investment decisions, it’s always better to focus the conversation on your family goals and ask the question, “Honey, do you think we’ll be able to.” to achieve our? financial goals that we set together if we continue with these expenditures/investments?” So there is no reproach, just healthy warnings and assessments.
5. Have healthy disclosures early in your relationship. Someone who marries without disclosing large debts is no different from someone who marries without disclosing a previous marriage or having a child. Why? Because previous spouses, children and debt are obligations and your new spouse has the right to know all of this when you become one.
6. Come in. If you have committed any of the 10 items in the list of financial infidelities, it is better for you to be clear with your spouse and have a conversation about it. It’s better than getting caught.
7. Do you share financial values with your spouse. You can do this by taking the FQ test (now in English and Tagalog) together and doing FQ exercises to discover your values not only in relation to money but in relation to life in general. This is the best way to be on the same page and goal with your loved one, consequently making it easier for both of you to avoid financial infidelity in your relationship. (To take the FQ test, click the link. For more value-based exercises, see Chapters 4 and 5 of FQ Book 1.)
You can also watch this segment on Hapinay Teleradyo, where I discussed the topic with Winnie Cordero.
I hope the above discussion helps you uncover, nip in the bud, or fix financial infidelity with your partner. Because no matter how loyal and honest you claim to be to your spouse, but if you are not financially honest, you can still be called “Taksil”!
We wish you a peaceful financial relationship with your sweetheart!
1. I say goodbye to my kumu show every Thursday at 11am. I will be back in September 2022. Meanwhile, on our video days – Monday and Thursday – we will be sharing useful financial wisdom with you in short videos found in FQ Mom You Tube Channel. Abandon!
2. To learn more about your money behavior, get your copy of the FQ books and also for your loved ones. The principles you learn here apply not only to your financial life, but to all other important aspects of your life. https://fqmom.com/bookstore/
To learn more about FQ Book 2, watch this short video.
3. How good are you with money? Want to know your FQ score? Take the FQ test and get your finances under control now. Scan the QR code or click the link http://fqmom.com/dev-fqtest/app/#/questionnaire
This article is also published on FQMom.com.