7 classes from infidelity as seen in “Hamilton” | Ann papayoti

The lights are finally on again on Broadway and the curtain is raised on the Tony Award winning musical sensation and now Emmy winner “Hamilton”.

With the reopening of Broadway, the live audience can once again enjoy the backstory of the American Revolution presented in a revolutionary way.

What may not come as a surprise in the life of an American politician is the fact that there was a sex scandal, a very public one. One that draws lessons about infidelity that are just as relevant today.

RELATED: 4 Lessons on Why ‘Hamilton’ Is the Ultimate Story of Forgiveness

Here are 7 lessons from infidelity as seen in “Hamilton”.

1. How do you say “no” when opportunities meet vulnerability?

Hamilton’s family was gone, working from home and under a lot of stress when the opportunity – literally – knocked on his door. He didn’t know how to say “no”.

Everyone is “prone” to affairs.

When you have an emotional need in a relationship that is unsatisfied due to communication barriers, a lack of common interests, or even geographic distance, you may crave fulfillment for that emotional emptiness – often unknowingly.

It can become a hunger that you didn’t even know you had until it was satisfied.

“Know” your “no” in advance – who you are, your values ​​and your limits. When you feel like something is moving away from your spouse, it is a signal to get closer to them.

Have an open conversation and tell them what you identified as a weakness, how you recognized them, what barriers you think exist, and that you would both like you to change something.

2. If you don’t air your dirty laundry, someone else will and hang you up to dry.

Hamilton was faced with rumors that would ruin him politically and the only way to prove his innocence was to expose the affair. Choosing to control who was telling his story, he released a document that amounted to tweeting the dirty details in the world today.

Matters are supposed to be secrets, but secrets are seldom kept. Many choose not to tell the truth until after they’re caught.

However, since you cannot control who is telling your story and rumors are often exaggerated, you need to control the narration by telling it yourself.

Had Hamilton been honest with his wife when the husband first approached his lover, he could have avoided the bribe and illusion of financial inappropriateness in the first place and avoided the need to ever publicize his indiscretion.

Honesty is essential. Confessing your actions and apologizing are the keys to self-esteem and respect for your spouse. The truth isn’t what hurts them, the affair did.

Risk the truth and take the time to repair and rebuild your relationship. Some will succeed and some will not. That is the price of infidelity.

3. Matters can leave a trail of unimaginable destruction.

Not only did Alexander lose respect and attachment to Angelica, Eliza’s older sister and close friend, but he also lost his son to a bullet in a duel when the son tried to defend his father’s name.

The consequences of infidelity extend well beyond marriage. Everyone in their respective lives has to deal with the aftermath of the storm. Matters can be devastating not only to unsuspecting spouses, but also to children, extended family, friends and co-workers.

Everyone will experience their own feelings of betrayal, hurt, and loss. Some will be able to choose loyalty between the traitor and the betrayed.

Like all decisions, infidelity has consequences. They can be far-reaching and unpredictable, and they can clash with innocent others and cause unintended suffering.

New allegations will emerge against your character, and family and friends will experience pity and possibly ridicule. Children can imitate their parents’ choices. Some will be torn between condemning and defending their loved one.

4. A damaged reputation can be difficult to overcome.

Hamilton was a war hero, but a sex scandal thwarted his political career.

There is always a risk and a possible price. Reputation is inherently earned, earned, and has proven to be solid over time. And as difficult as they are to build, they are easily lost.

If you are considered untrustworthy in your personal life, you may be considered untrustworthy in your professional life. If you can’t be loyal to your spouse, can you be loyal to the team? To the company? To the country?

The first steps in restoring a good reputation are proactive, open, and open. Some will admire and appreciate you for it, based on their personal experiences with you.

5. You are more than the sum of your mistakes.

Hamilton was much more than an adulterer. He was a self-made man who helped start a revolution, a nation, a financial system, and more.

Don’t let a mistake define you. Recognize it as a mistake, something that is inconsistent with your true self.

Re-familiarize yourself with your successes and remember what you did right. Find out how you feel when your actions are in line with your values ​​and not when they are not.

Develop self-awareness, emotional intelligence, self-acceptance and anything else that is missing or weak.

Most affairs aren’t really about sex – it’s about a completely different need – and it’s not about a spouse’s fallacy. This is mirror work.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and find yourself again.

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6. Spouses betrayed need to grieve in order to heal, so be patient.

Audiences see, hear and feel Eliza’s pain as she burns precious love letters from Alexander after she was publicly humiliated when he released the details of his affair with Maria.

When an affair is exposed, the betrayed is usually blind, shocked, and looking for answers. They will question everything about their marriage as the trust base has imploded.

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You experience grief like death, and the pain is deep and cyclical from heartbroken and lost to humiliated and disgusted. The relationship they knew doesn’t exist.

Reality is shaken. The traitor must take a step back and allow the betrayed to experience the full range of emotions to come.

Eventually, with support and positive guidance, the betrayed will take responsibility for their healing and will no longer be held in the role of the victim or the pitiful spouse.

They can choose to participate in the marriage recovery process and find a way to turn their pain into meaning.

7. Forgiveness is a process, not an event.

Despite a public humiliation that most people would never experience, Eliza Alexander shows compassion and forgiveness.

It can happen over time. It takes humility on the part of the traitor and grace on the part of the betrayed.

It takes time for the grieving process to cycle fully, for the duped to see themselves as more than a victim and their spouse as more than a cheater. It requires a broader view of life and love, purpose and pain.

Forgiveness is ultimately a choice. It doesn’t excuse or forgive someone else’s decisions, it just says, “I am letting go of the influence your decisions have on me.”

Once you choose forgiveness, choose freedom from internal victimization and conflict, self-pity, hatred, and finger pointing.

If someone has given you forgiveness, it was not for you, but for them – you still need to forgive yourself.

Hamilton ends poignantly and breathtakingly with Eliza closing the story that divides her life after Alexander’s death in philanthropy and advocacy, honoring his legacy, and continuing his work.

It’s time to get up and know that after an affair, you can be a better person and partner – no matter which side you were on.

You don’t need a revolution, you just need a revelation.

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Ann Papayoti, PCC, is a writer, speaker, and coach who helps people break free from their past, heal their hearts, and unleash their best lives. She is co-author of the intimate self-help guide The Gift of Shift. You can find more information on how she can help you on her website.

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