Baby help is not a present from my ex – it is one thing I deserve

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After my husband moved out, it took me almost seven months to download a dating app. I was petrified. Finding a partner when you’re mom to a bunch of kids in your forties was very different from my twenties.

However, I quickly realized that it was going to be more difficult than I thought. Overcoming my insecurities wasn’t the hardest part, although it was really damn hard to do.

It was clear that the men I would be interested in had had much of their lives behind them. I wanted someone my age, and then there are people who have been married for a long time or are in a partnership.

Like many of the men I dated, I was stuck in my own way. It’s not bad, but when I was in my mid-20s and met my husband, who I was married to for a long time, I realized that we had grown together and changed. You think you know everything when you are young, but you don’t know that. Nor have you had so many experiences that can influence your beliefs.

One of my first dates was with a man who had been divorced for about a year. He spent the whole time complaining that his wife was “demanding a lot of maintenance, which made it difficult to go out”.

I sat and listened for a few minutes before changing the subject. I know this wouldn’t work after he made several rude comments about how unfair it was that he had to pay her and that “she didn’t work. She only looked after the children while we were married. “


I was that woman too – the one who “didn’t work” for most of my marriage. I was just at home while my ex-husband worked long hours, took classes, and went on a few trips a year with his friends.

I cooked everything, cleaned everything, went shopping, carpooled, brought the children to their appointments and made sure that everything was prepared for him so that he could concentrate on his business.

I did a good job too. I have put my heart into being a mother and taking care of our home. We agreed on this before we got married.

I am very lucky that my ex-husband pays my alimony and has no problem with it. He knows that the woman is the backbone of the household. He also knows I didn’t work outside of the home so I could work hard around the house for no pay.

He knows I did this because I wanted to, but also to make his dreams come true.

But what I have to say to all the men who feel punished for “having to pay their wives” is that maintenance is based on each person’s income in order to make things fair after the end of the partnership, regardless of that whether you worked or not.

I know it is a privilege to receive a livelihood that not everyone has. I also think if you get maintenance, you deserve it – and there should be no guilt associated with it.

This man (whom I never saw again) wasn’t the only date complaining about alimony. There was a lawyer who only saw his kids twice a month (because he was moving to another state) who complained about child support a few minutes after our first (and only) date. He told me this after asking what my “child support and maintenance situation” was.

Then there was the guy who admitted cheating on his wife while we texted each other and bragged about how much maintenance he paid her. Ew.

I could tell you more, but I feel swollen with anger at the stigma men put around to pay their ex-wife child support. Most of them think that no matter how their marriage ended, they don’t deserve to have to pay them.

The fact of the matter is that women usually have more time with their children than their ex, and most of the time there is not enough support; Take into account the fact that we are the ones who do most of the meals, they shop for clothes and everything else they need, and do most of the driving.

If you get alimony, you deserve it. Besides, it’s nobody’s business. Take it from me if you go out on a date and talk to, or sit across from, a man complaining about alimony – apologize.

He’s an asshole and you shouldn’t have to waste your time.

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