If you are leaving a relationship for unrelated to third party issues or abuse, you should likely end a marriage that is also plagued by these issues. Your vows may be a barrier to making that decision, but when you and your spouse are clearly no longer as invested in marriage, there is no reason to stay.
But filing for divorce is of course easier said than done. For one, the children may feel overwhelmed, confused, and angry about their parents’ separation. Second, divorce is associated with a lengthy and complicated process in which your finances, marital property and other assets are divided up. This can lead to disputes between you and your ex, even if you ended things on good terms initially.
Fortunately, a good divorce lawyer can minimize the risk of disputes and speed up the process. They can also help you maintain good relationships with your children when the divorce proceedings take place. However, before you stop with your spouse and turn your life upside down, the first thing you should consider is whether any of the following situations apply to your marriage:
1. Incompatible differences
This is one of the most common reasons for divorce. When couples can no longer bear their differences, especially important ones like values, they often resort to fights, avoiding one another, or cheating. However, divorce is not necessarily the solution to irreconcilable differences. When you and your spouse are ready to give your marriage another chance, seek marriage counseling and that may be just the thing.
If either of you becomes addicted to alcohol or drugs, your marriage is sure to turn sour. Addiction changes the brain and may make you abusive, violent, and simply not yourself. As a result, you can put the safety of your spouse and children at risk.
But a marriage doomed by addiction is also curable. If the addicted spouse is ready to go to rehab and their spouse and children support it, their recovery can even strengthen your marriage and family.
3. Financial problems
Money alone doesn’t lead to divorce, but the stress of living in poverty definitely does. While you have vowed to stay poor for the rich and poorer for the poor, if your spouse does nothing to improve your financial situation, your best bet is to repudiate your “I do”.
You can temporarily support your spouse if they lose their job. But when his / her lost job is surrounded by mountains of debt, then it’s totally understandable when you’ve lost your respect for him / her. A responsible spouse manages their finances well, and if they fail to do so without regrets, you won’t face the consequences.
4. Unfulfilled expectations
Before you married, you likely had expectations of your partner and expectations of the marriage itself. However, due to various circumstances, your expectations were not met. Maybe he was a gentleman when you were together, but the moment you got married he got rude. Alternatively, he may have expected you to keep your body healthy and was upset when you gained weight from pregnancy and childbirth.
Expectation problems can be solved through communication, counseling, and adjustment. If the two of you accept the reality that changes are inevitable in a marriage, then you can potentially stay together. But if your unfulfilled expectations cause hostile, violent, and toxic behaviors, you can get divorced.
5. Different styles of parenting
If you are a strict, authoritative parent and your spouse is lenient, you may have problems raising your children. Your children will surely prefer the indulgent parents as they fail to see the love and care behind your disciplinary tactics.
Contrasting parenting styles not only strain your marriage, but also your relationship with your children. If you and your spouse are not on the same team, your marriage can be stale and you can lose both your spouse and child. You can solve this problem through communication and compromise. However, if neither of you are ready to make adjustments, you might be better off being apart.
6. Good parents, but a bad spouse
This problem can be related to the above situation. If your spouse loves your children very much but is rude and careless to you, there may be a conflict as to whether it is still worth staying in the marriage. You can consider staying for your children who are on good terms with your spouse. But often children who grow up with parents who argue constantly develop a corrupt concept of a “healthy” relationship. If you continue to stick with your spouse, they may grow up looking for the same type of toxic relationship.
Therefore, in this situation, choose yourself and save your children from greater heartache in the future by filing for divorce. If you and your spouse can find some relief in the end, that’s great. But also remember that once you allow toxicity into your life, it can fester until it destroys your well-being. So it’s perfectly fine if you choose freedom.