DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for nine years. Before that, I was a housewife and raised four children. I had my own business and most of the money went towards the needs of our family.
My husband became an alcoholic 20 years into our 28 year marriage. After our divorce, my two adult daughters left me because I was receiving spousal support from their father. Whenever I let them know how much I miss them, the only response they give is that they will resume a relationship if I stop “taking the money.”
My younger daughter and I were close for years after the divorce. Then suddenly everything changed and she stopped all communication. I used to have wonderful relationships with both of them. Since then they have blocked communication with me and distanced themselves far from me and their father.
I would like to have a relationship with them but everything is a dead end. If you're wondering: Yes, the money is used for living expenses, assistance, etc. Please help. – AMAZING IN OREGON
Dear Unbeliever: So your daughters have decided to side with their drunkard father and are trying to blackmail you into submission. PLEASE don't let them get away with this. Continue to receive the support you are entitled to and move on with your life. You can only hope that your daughters will eventually see the light. In my view, you really have no choice because at this point you are relying on these resources to survive.
DEAR ABBY: I'm struggling with the question of whether I'm obligated to organize a party for our 50th anniversary. I was the primary caregiver for my wife until a year ago when I was no longer physically able to do so and had to place her in a nursing facility. She has Alzheimer's, is in a wheelchair and needs to be fed and changed.
I still work during the day, but in the evening I help her get to bed. On the weekends I take her to a park so she can get some fresh air and watch the kids on the playground. She perks up when she sees me, and I always feel good when I can make her laugh at something her goofy husband tried or messed up.
We have five grandchildren nearby, and she has two sisters and a brother, as well as many cousins. A sister visits her often. The care facility is small, but they love parties. Anniversaries are important, but over time they just seem to come and go. I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have shared my life with my wife. I would appreciate your thoughts. – TO PARTY OR NOT TO PARTY IN CALIFORNIA
Lovely party or not, if you think your wife would like it, organize a cake and drinks and invite the relatives. Before you do this, however, ask your caregivers if it would intimidate or scare them if there was so much going on around them. If you enjoy doing this, you have my blessing. Please note, however, that this is not an obligation.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and created by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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