Expensive Annie, the husband has been left behind from his spouse’s infidelity Information, Sports activities, Jobs

Annie Lane

Dear Annie, I found out a month ago that my wife has slept with a variety of men she met through a dating app. Her profile states that she is single and that she also has college degrees, neither of which are true. She told me that she was in love with another man. After talking to the man’s wife, who didn’t know, she explained that her husband had previously cheated on her and lived in her basement. She also said they have five children together and have just filed for bankruptcy. My wife was serious when she told me that she was madly in love with him, missed him and wanted a future with this man. A future?

I exposed her indiscretions about a month ago when I found all of the evidence on her phone. That night I asked her to go and she did. I thought she was going to her parents’ house, but I’m not sure where she went that night. I think she had a lot of options.

We have two sons, ages 12 and 14. I informed her that their mother cheated on me and that we were getting a divorce. In front of the children, she pulled a butcher’s knife on me and threatened me because she wanted her cell phone. My 14 year old son had to disarm them.

I was completely blind to everything that happened. The boys live with me because of the continuity in their life and in school. I gave them therapy and confided in their headmaster to see the school psychologist. My grieving feelings fluctuate between anger and depression. I pray that I will finally gain acceptance.

She pretends that everything is fine in front of the boys. She took them to dinner last week and asked if I would like to join them. I declined because I didn’t want to confuse the boys anymore. After being married for 20 years and 12 years, the last thing I said to her before she left: “I have no idea who you are.”

I’ve done well for my sons, but I can see the depression on their faces. I don’t know anyone who has experienced anything this crazy, and I also get therapy.

How do I get past all of this? How do I stay strong to weather my divorce, and most importantly, how do I make sure my sons are safe?

Does she have multiple personality disorder? My therapist told me to stop trying to understand madness. She said we don’t even get crazy – we just realize it.

Help! What do I have to do to restore normality to myself and my sons and to get to this phase of acceptance in which everything and whoever it is becomes indifferent and irrelevant to me? – Crushed ghost

Dear Crushed Spirit, you have certainly been through trauma and it takes time to heal from trauma. You are taking some important steps to have support for you and your sons. Your therapist rightly points out that you cannot fully understand why your wife did what she did, but you can understand yourself and how you are reacting to the situation. Be kind and patient with yourself and your sons. Don’t expect to hit the acceptance stage right away. just know that it will take some time.

You are mourning your marriage. While there may not be people who have your exact situation, there are divorce aid groups for fathers. I would suggest that you seek out a local support group.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but you sound like an amazing father and a good person. It won’t be right away, but as you work on your grief and trauma every day, you and your sons will feel good again and experience joy before you know it. This is one of those situations that is worth remembering every day that life is just an inch and hard from the court.

Dear Annie, I am a 41 year old single man who has all but given up intimate relationships. I don’t know what I am about. If you were to ask the average person who doesn’t know me, they wouldn’t say I’m hideous or anything. (Looks aren’t what a relationship should be based on, but they’re usually the starting point – let’s face it.)

I am a hard worker. I’ve always had a job and I make decent money. Safe enough to be independent because I am. I own a car and all of the things that most 41 year old single men should own at this point in their lives, but I just can’t find a relationship to settle into. It’s not to say that I didn’t have any. I’ve had some long-term relationships, but to be honest, I stayed in them longer than I should because I just don’t like being single. I would venture to say that one of them, who was over five years old, was with someone I was no longer attracted to. And I wasn’t very attracted to her from the start. I just didn’t want to be single.

It just seems that no matter what I do, if I meet a woman I like, it is going nowhere. I’m not a pushy person, but I’m also not afraid to tell anyone how I feel. I just always end up in that “Friend zone” I actually have an interest in women. Everyone is always telling me to be patient and my time will come. But I’m 41 and the clock is ticking.

I want to have a small family one day, and I would like to do so soon too. I have no qualms about meeting women with children, as I love children and have the feeling that if this window closes in my life, I could at least help raise theirs in the capacity I can. I’ve tried all of the typical dating sites and apps. I’m not a drinker so I don’t go to bars or anything very often. Therefore, my options, especially now with COVID-19, are limited. I am just lost. Are all right? Do I just have to be patient? And if that doesn’t work and I just never find my person, how do I deal with it? – Lost and alone

Dear Lost and Alone: ​​You sound like a great person dealing with negative and excessive expectations. Before embarking on anything else, it is worth investigating the five year relationship you have been in. Why did you stay so long when you weren’t attracted to her? Then look at how the women you attract always end up in the friend zone. You may just be drawn to what you can’t have. And when someone is attracted to you and wants to be in a relationship with you, you lose interest. It’s not unusual. As Groucho Marx said “I refuse to join a club that would have me as a member.”

Seek the help of a trained therapist who can help you figure out what to look for and who you want to be in a relationship. I suspect she’s just around the corner and it’s up to you to allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to let her in. Good luck.

Editor’s Note: Send your questions to Annie Lane at Dearannie@creators.com. To learn more about Annie Lane and to read the features of other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit Creators Syndicate’s website at www.creators.com.

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