Founder and Medical Director Matt Lundquist addresses grief teams and forgiveness after infidelity in well being and O.college
We’re excited to announce that our Founder and Clinical Director Matt Lundquist is in Bless you and O school, talk about how grief support groups can help after a loss and how a relationship can recover after being cheated.
In “Are grief counseling groups helpful – and how do you find one? That’s what experts say ” Matt speaks with Bless you about how support groups differ from grief therapy. While loss support groups can take many forms, Matt notes that most members offer opportunities to share their experiences without judgment. Matt notes, however, “In most cases, other group members can offer support but no practical help or comment.” This is different from grief therapy because support groups often do not allow “therapy feedback.”
What grief counseling groups can offer is the opportunity to experience other people’s various grief experiences. “Often there is a gap between people’s expectations of what the grieving process should look like and the reality,” says Matt. “Those who are new to grief may have expectations about how long the process should take and how disruptive it should be, which makes them feel that their own process is too laborious and too rigorous. That depends, of course, on how privately grief is organized in our culture. ”A self-help group can speak openly about the disorder of the grieving process and show the members that“ it usually gets better ”.
For O school‘S “How to Forgive a Cheater: 5 Tips to Healing the Relationship” Matt explains how couples can work towards forgiveness after cheating in their relationship. While not mentioned in the article, it is worth noting that cheating is complicated and can mean very different things in each relationship and instance. Sometimes the cheater is simply ambiguous and has bad intentions. In other cases, in a seemingly healthy relationship where cheating does nonetheless occur, it may be a function of a problem in the relationship. Finally, cheating should sometimes be understood as a partner’s “way out”, which means that there may be a desire (conscious or subconscious) to get caught in order for the relationship to end as soon as it happens.
Ultimately, it is important for both partners to understand why the cheating happened. If the cheater is self-employed, he should do it. If the relationship has suffered, it is important to find and address this problem, both to reduce the likelihood of cheating again and to address the underlying problem that gave rise to the cheating. This is an essential requirement for forgiveness.
Forgiveness cannot come quickly, however, as each partner has a range of feelings about the infidelity and tensions can get high. In the article, Matt describes: “Couples need guidance to be patient – the person who has been betrayed needs space to validate their feelings and has the right to be angry … At the same time, the cheater is allowed to have complicated feelings and in need time for this process, and as challenging as that may be, space is needed for both. “