How to reach a custody agreement without going to court – Forbes Advisor

There are six important steps to take to complete a custody agreement without a trial. Here’s what they are.

1. Hire an attorney

You should have an attorney help you negotiate a non-court custody agreement. Your co-parent should have their own attorney.

There are many reasons to work with a family law attorney when trying to finalize a custody agreement, including the following:

  • Your attorney will help you understand the law so you can develop reasonable expectations about which custody arrangement is fair
  • Your attorney will help you understand your rights so that you do not agree to a custody arrangement that is less favorable than you would like and more unfavorable than the law allows
  • Your attorney will help you make rational, rather than emotional, decisions when negotiating a child custody agreement.

2. Determine the problems to be solved

It’s important to make sure your parenting plan is comprehensive. Below is a list of what should be included in a parenting plan, including details on who makes decisions for the child or whether you share decision-making authority.

There are some standard themes that should be part of any plan, such as how children share time with parents. But you also have to deal with all family-related matters. For example, if you do not want your child to visit certain other family members, you can specify this in your custody agreement.

You can start by identifying all the possible problems to be solved and then find as many points of consensus as possible before moving on to addressing the areas of conflict.

3. Consider your child’s best interests

Your custody agreement should state what is best for your child. Think carefully about the routines established by your child and your child’s well-being as you decide which custody arrangement makes sense.

4. Try informal negotiations

You and your co-parent can try to negotiate an agreement on your own with the help of your lawyers. This is likely to work most effectively when you have few disagreements, can communicate effectively, and are committed to achieving a positive outcome with minimal investment of time and expense.

5. Work with a mediator

Many people cannot agree on the issues of a custody battle alone. If you cannot find a compromise in informal negotiations with your spouse, a professional mediator can help.

Mediators do not make decisions for you and do not force you to make decisions. They help facilitate the discussion between you and your co-parent, allowing you to communicate more effectively and maximize your chances of reaching a custody agreement without going to court.

6. Create a parenting plan

During mediation or informal negotiations, you need to find a compromise on any issues arising from parenting together while living apart. Once you have consented, you will need to draft a parenting plan detailing the custody arrangements you wish to follow.

A number of courts offer sample parenting plans which you can use as a starting point for drafting your own agreement or simply to see what to expect. You can find these sample plans here:

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