Dear Annie: My husband and I have children from previous relationships and we each have two grandchildren. We shared a property on the river with his son and his family, and my grandchildren came to visit from time to time.
My husband’s son’s wife doesn’t like my grandchildren. In fact, she once made a comment in front of one of them and asked why he was there. Then she asked if she had to hang out with him and his brother every (insert swear word) Friday night.
- Read more: Dear Annie: Should I encourage my mother to divorce my controlling father?
My husband was offended and asked his son what he would do about it and he told his father to calm down. My husband decided to evict her from the property because his daughter-in-law had no intention of apologizing and her behavior only got worse over the next few weeks.
My stepson and his wife no longer talk to us and feel like we have chosen my grandson over their children. We sent their son a birthday card and they gave it back to us, telling us we were trying to buy his affection. I’m appalled that they feel like we have to choose one side or the other. My grandchildren deserve an apology. I’m really not sure what to do.
– Family drama
- Read more: Dear Annie, My step-grandchildren are brats and I get annoyed with them
Dear Family Drama: Give this a try. What your stepson’s wife said to your grandchildren was cruel, and your husband was right to stand up for them. Whenever you have a guest in your home, it is incredibly rude and hurtful to make them feel unwelcome.
So what’s going on between your stepson’s wife and your grandchildren? It might be worth having a separate conversation with them to find out why she is so annoyed by the boys’ presence. Constructive communication is the key to resolving this situation.
If the woman says she just doesn’t like kids or something similar, then maybe plan meetings at events where there are no children. It’s about listening to the other person while setting the proper boundaries that you and your husband set – asking them to leave when they were rude.
- Read more: Dear Annie, my partner’s children don’t invite me because we’re not married
Dear Annie: I remained married to a man for 23 years. Of those 23 years, he worked for pay for five years. For most of this time he was “self-sufficient” and unable to get anything done. I worked full time, took on all of his “self-employment business” debts, paid off his defaulted student loans, and paid off our mortgage, which grew to consolidate the debt he had incurred, so I could keep us afloat.
He told me that if I was a better wife then he would be a better husband. He told me I wasn’t worth the effort. He told me that I was selfish and that he would consider me “all you’re worth” if I tried to leave. He suffered from anxiety and depression, which he treated reluctantly and then abused the medication to sleep all day.
I was 54 when I filed for divorce and because I waited so long I will have to pay him support for the rest of our lives.
I say that even with children it’s not worth staying with him. My life is 180 degrees different than before; I am grateful every day that I am out of this situation. Drop any excuse you might give yourself for staying. Go and start a new life.
– Freedom
Dear Freedom: Congratulations on your newfound well-deserved freedom.
“How can I forgive my unfaithful partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology—featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation—is available in paperback and e-book. For more information, visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com. Send your questions to Annie Lane at Dearannie@creators.com.
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