Dear Annie: My wife and I get along well most of the time, but not always. She’s a control freak who insists on knowing where I’m going and what I’m doing every second.
She is also obsessed with money and needs to be in control of my spending. I recently helped out a couple because their oven broke and they didn’t have the money to fix it. I loaned them the funds they needed and my wife got angry about it. I explained that it was the middle of winter and they had just had a baby, but that didn’t matter.
They had borrowed money from both of their parents and still fell short. However, my wife was angry that I lent them money and demanded that they pay me back immediately.
I have a feeling she loves money more than I do. I feel the marriage is over and I want a divorce.
I have now found new love and am in a new relationship with someone who wants me and not money.
What do you think I should do? I do not sleep.
My wife and I don’t even sleep together anymore. She has the bed and I sleep on the chair in the living room. Any ideas how to deal with this? — Lost husband
Dear Lost Husband: You may feel lost because your wife is so controlling, but you went behind her back and had an affair. Before you met another woman, you owed it to your wife to have a conversation about why you wanted to end the marriage. The case you brought against her certainly sounds convincing. Not helping a young couple and their baby with the heat is certainly mean. Feeling like your spouse only wants you for your money is also a terrible way to feel in a marriage.
You could sit down and tell her it’s over and you want a divorce. Or, since you started by saying that you and your wife “get along well,” and you are not sleeping – possibly because you feel guilty – you could try to make things right with your wife by securing her promise to stop controlling and stalking you. A marriage counselor could really help both of you.
Dear Annie, my husband and I have marital problems because of his adult daughter (my stepdaughter). I would like to limit the information he shares with her about our finances, problems and life in general, but he refuses. I have been dealing with the issue for many years, but recently the private information he told her was inappropriate.
We have been married for 25 years and he said if we are to stay married he and his daughter are a “Package deal.” He says I’m being unreasonable. Now he’s not sure if he wants to stay married because I have such strong feelings against her involvement in our business. I feel hurt but he thinks I’m overreacting.
How do I deal with it? I love him, but he refuses to respect my privacy – not to mention the fact that he prefers his relationship with his daughter to his marriage to his wife.
Thank you for any advice. I have support from friends and family but I fear I lost my husband to my stepdaughter! — stepmother
Dear stepmother, I know you love him and you are right that he should not share intimate details about your marriage with anyone. But remember, his daughter loves him very much, and he loves his daughter, so instead of trying to drive a wedge into their relationship, maybe you should have more compassion for the fact that they have a close relationship.
There is no lack of love in the world. He may love you and his stepdaughter, but if you constantly criticize their closeness, you shut out love for all of you—your husband, your stepdaughter, and yourself.
At the same time, he must stop sharing personal information that she has no knowledge of. For example, if you see a psychiatrist and don’t want people to know, that’s none of your stepdaughter’s business.
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“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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