A single woman has revealed why she believes infidelity can help preserve a marriage and ensure couples remain happily ever after.
Toronto-based Isabella Mise is Director of Communications at Ashley Madison – a dating site for married people who want discreet affairs.
The 36-year-old told Daily Mail Australia that members are looking to connect with other like-minded people.
“Monogamy works for a lot of people, but not always for everyone in the long term,” Isabella said.
Isabella Mise, from Toronto, Canada, (pictured) is Communications Director at Ashley Madison – a dating site created for married people interested in discreet affairs. She believes infidelity can help preserve a marriage
Isabella said Ashley Madison members are typically happy in their marriages but are looking for something the relationship is missing.
Some want to feel wanted by someone, while others seek emotional connection rather than sexual pleasures.
“I’ve spoken to members who have been married for 20 years, or people who have married their high school friends and have not slept with anyone else. No two marriages are the same,” Isabella said.
“I’ve slowly come to realize that infidelity isn’t always what you think it is and what you don’t see in the movies.”
Why do married people cheat?
Data shows that most members are happy in their marriage but are looking for something more
During lockdown, married couples reported feelings of boredom, isolation and loneliness
Some believe infidelity was a “reliable form of self-care” as her general mood improved
In most cases, the dating site has helped preserve marriages.
Isabella said the members are usually happy in their marriages but are looking for something the relationship is missing. Some want to feel wanted by someone, while others seek emotional connection rather than sexual pleasure (Image at right: Stock Image)
Over the past two years, Covid lockdowns and restrictions have put relationships to the ultimate test.
“No one expected them to spend 24 hours with their significant other who works from home, homeschools and lives in such close quarters,” Isabella said.
“Affairs are not the key to happiness in marriage, but rather an outlet for many couples or married people who want to start dating again.
“It can be a form of self-care — something people do for themselves that allows them to return to their primary relationship less stressed or anxious.”
Research conducted by the dating site has found the top locations across Australia that are hotspots for infidelity. Coffs Harbor in New South Wales has been dubbed the “hottest” place full of married couples likely to be having affairs
Have you ever cheated on your partner?
- Yes 11 votes
- no 22 votes
- i never would 10 votes
- I’ve thought about it 7 votes
In a survey of 2,249 people during lockdown, married couples reported feeling bored (49%), isolation and loneliness (30%), frustration and anger (29%), worry and anxiety (24%) and anxiety (24%). .
A staggering 95 per cent were still keen to keep their affair going when lockdown began.
Interestingly, 84 percent also believed infidelity was a “reliable form of self-care” as their overall mood improved.
Only 1 percent of site members feel able to leave their spouse and cite infidelity as the reason for doing so.
Isabella said it’s important for couples to discuss their “monogamy agreements” throughout their relationship to discuss how they intend the two of them to spend their lives together.
“It’s about thinking about what it means to you to be monogamous and renewing your monogamy agreement over time,” she said.
“People usually take vows on their wedding day and don’t revisit the monogamy agreement 20 years later.
“Things change, people change and it’s important to evolve your relationship as well.”
Mom, 32, who has secret affairs with other men reveals how she saved her 10-year marriage
By LAURA HOUSE FOR DAILY MAIL AUSTRALIA
Most couples seek relationship counseling to heal a crumbling marriage, but one woman took a far less virtuous approach.
Layla*, 32, from Canberra, has been married to her husband for 10 years and regularly seeks affairs to keep their relationship “on track”.
“I’ve been married 10 years and my husband is amazing,” Layla told FEMAIL.
“We have a young family, we both work in busy professional roles and spend as much time together as we can.”
Still, Layla said the “intimacy” in the marriage was “long gone” and that her husband was “no longer interested” in that side of the marriage.
Layla was trying to “rebuild” the intimate side of her marriage, but try as she might, it just wasn’t working — even though everything else in the relationship was perfect.
“While I was happily married, I was lonely, really lonely,” said Layla, who turned to affair dating site Ashley Madison in February to find an extramarital partner.
“I met some really nice people and went on coffee dates and drink dates, which I really enjoyed.
“But I just wanted to find one person that I feel connected to.”
And her wish came true when Layla met married man Jamie* in March 2018, just a month later.
Isabella believes modern relationships are changing and cheating on both men and women.
“Once you clear up the misconceptions, it can be perfectly reasonable to consider infidelity,” Isabella said.
“So many people assume if you cheat it means you’re not happy in your relationship, but that’s not the case.
“According to our members’ data, men are often looking for emotional validation while women are sometimes looking for sex.”
Additionally, open discussion about your relationship with your partner should be handled with caution, but not avoided.
It is important to ensure that both partners feel heard and that their expectations are met.