Ange has a secret report that her husband doesn’t know about. In her defense, she says her husband is a dishonest person and that she cannot trust him, at least not with her money.
She says she set up this account in case their marriage should go south. “I wouldn’t want to be in a mysterious state. I want to have options and not be bound by marriage because I’m too broke to live alone, ”she says.
It is known that conflicting financial beliefs among couples are a common cause of divorce. However, hiding money is an entirely different type of problem for married couples.
If you are married and have money secrets from your partner, it is called financial infidelity.
Financial infidelity is often the result of deeper problems affecting a marriage. Network photo
Financial infidelity is also defined as spending money, owning credit or credit cards, and keeping secret accounts without the knowledge of your spouse, partner, or other person.
Counselor Shadia Nansasi says financial infidelity can ruin a marriage if discovered.
If a partner learns that their significant other has such secrets in front of them, they must lose trust in them. This is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage, says Nansasi.
She explains that most of the time, people keep financial secrets from their partners so as not to get into a fight over money or cover up something else like an addiction or an affair.
“This can deeply hurt a relationship or marriage by eliminating the possibility for a couple to rely on each other. Hiding such important information can lead to wounds that are not easy to heal, leading to deeper rifts in a marriage, ”she adds.
Aaron Mugwaneza has been married for over five years. His observation about this goes back to the intimacy or bond of a couple.
He notes that such problems often stem from deeper problems affecting a marriage. He argues that any person who does, or is thinking of doing, dig deeper into their marriage to examine underlying issues that need to be addressed.
“In order for a person to do this with the person they want to share a life with, there has to be some factor that is wrong. Hiding money from a spouse can be a symptom of a deeper problem in the relationship. This can be fear or a lack of trust, ”he says.
Writer Chris Sonzogni reflects a similar view, noting that hiding financial transactions from a partner can worsen the tension in an already stressed relationship, and potentially lead to its downfall. Why someone feels compelled to hide their expenses, especially when they have reached a point where they can no longer afford to stay hidden, may not always be clear.
To cope with this challenge, Sonzogni recommends couples to use transparency by default.
There is no magic bullet to overcome the fear, guilt, and fear of being completely transparent about your expenses. One key to developing the habit is enforcing a standard reaction within yourself: open and frequent communication, without exception, especially when only one member of the partnership is in control of the household’s finances.
Nansasi notes that the best way to deal with or avoid this situation is to have married people have a clear budget to follow and stay as a couple.
She also recommends approaching the problem with a rational mind, not making accusations or quick conclusions.
“That would make things worse. Avoid attacking or blaming your spouse. Don’t draw conclusions before listening to their side of the story. Find out what exactly happened and understand why it happened in the first place. What is more important, however, is that the couple is ready to resolve and address this problem from the root cause, ”she says.