BOITUMELO NTSOKO: Welcome to the Money Savvy Podcast, I’m Boitumelo Ntsoko. We’ve heard of people cheating on their partners. But did you know that a partner can also be financially unfaithful?
According to a recent CreditCards.com survey, 32% of those in serious relationships admitted to spending more than their partner would accept, while 15% admitted to having secret debts. Gen Zers at 61% and Millennials at 48% were the biggest financial scammers. So why do people cheat financially? And is there a way not to put yourself in this situation?
Craig Torr, Certified Financial Planner at Crue Invest, joins us in this episode to delve deeper into financial infidelity. Welcome Craig.
Craig Torr: Hi Tumi, thank you for hosting me on the show.
BOITUMELO NTSOKO: Can you please explain to us what exactly is financial infidelity?
Craig Torr: Look, it’s basically where a partner secretly spends money or keeps financial information away from their partner or spouse. So yeah, essentially some sort of secretive behavior that’s essentially tantamount to cheating on your joint finances.
BOITUMELO NTSOKO: And what are some of the reasons people engage in this behavior?
Craig Torr: Yeah, so it might be a bit selfish. Or it could be that they want to make a purchase that they think will make them feel better about themselves. But they are only aware of the possible repercussions they might have with a spouse, where the spouse might not have that particular issue as a priority. You know, it usually comes from not communicating or not communicating well and having a common view on your finances or [a] The couple’s finances should be a priority.
BOITUMELO NTSOKO: If I’m a partner and I want to be on the lookout for signs of financial infidelity, what should I look out for?
Craig Torr: I think any kind of mysterious behavior. You know when you are in a partnership or relationship one would expect there to be openness and sharing about financial situations and goal setting and dreams. so you know [it’s] It’s very difficult to have these conversations when you’re not on the same page, and it’s very difficult to work towards a common goal when you are [are] don’t share that view, that long-term view. So yes, I think it’s coming [down] to communicate and have a plan and agree on what that plan is. But yes, all about communication.
BOITUMELO NTSOKO: And how can a couple recover when a partner’s financial infidelity has been discovered?
Craig Torr: I think that’s difficult. But it can be corrected again through openness and transparency. It’s the surest way to build trust. You know, it’s not much different than having an affair. I think you can recover from that provided there is very open communication and the behavior is in the light with a shared perspective at the end of the day.
BOITUMELO NTSOKO: Then, would meeting with a financial planner or a debt counselor be one of the steps people can take?
Craig Torr: Yes absolutely. And I’ll probably speak more from a financial planning perspective. You know, we certainly see fantastic results with couples who share a common vision and plan. And they helped shape that plan with our guidance and help. And we find that it’s a lot easier for them to stick to that plan and account for the expenses, and they work together with that end goal when it comes to a shared plan. This is certainly one of the ways to protect yourself from it. As far as debt counseling goes, I am absolutely sure that it would be necessary if the problem was that bad. And again, it would certainly be a partnership to get out of that debt.
BOITUMELO NTSOKO: And are there ways to protect yourself from becoming a victim of financial infidelity?
Craig Torr: Yes, I’m probably sounding a bit like a deadlock, but it would have those open, transparent conversations and make sure your goals and dreams are at least aligned or accepted by the other person.
You know, any kind of financial planning is very much a team effort. It’s quite difficult to make individual plans in a relationship because at the end of the day it’s a shared responsibility.
Even if one earns more than the other, it is still about a common value system and a common savings plan and a common way of spending. So planning would certainly be an important part of this whole process.
BOITUMELO NTSOKO: Thank you Craig That was Craig Torr, Certified Financial Planner at Crue Invest.
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