My ex-husband tore down my house, then rebuilt it and left it in foreclosure. Now he refuses to pay maintenance.

“I owned my house since I was 23 and also had my own small business. He and his ex-girlfriend were in huge debt and I refused to marry him until they paid off the debt. Both have filed for bankruptcy.” (Photo subject is a model.) – Getty Images/iStock

Dear Quentin,

I'll try to summarize this, but it's been going on for 15 years. I married a man who had never owned a home and had no financial sense. Since I was 23, I owned my home and also had my own small business. He and his ex-girlfriend were in huge debt and I refused to marry him until they paid off the debt. Both filed for bankruptcy.

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We were living in a house that I owned for 15 years before we married when he, as the construction manager, decided that we should build a new home on the property. The recession hit in 2008 and we could barely build the house. We knew he would be released. He was making $70,000 to $80,000 a year, and I was doing well selling collectibles.

He bought a sports car, an RV, a boat, scuba gear, had a lot of dental work done, and god knows what else (he didn't tell me everything). He had also suffered a heart attack and was in and out of the hospital for over a year. One morning he woke up and announced that he was done. We had been married for almost 20 years and he had just built a new house the year before.

Left a house in foreclosure

He left me absolutely nothing except a house that was foreclosed on. He also delayed the divorce for over a year. I had no idea where he was. He would not appear in court. I found out he was in the same city, working for his best friend's brand new construction company. He still has not complied with court orders and has not done so in the 15 years since.

The company did not comply with the court-ordered seizure. I have attempted to take legal action by contacting state and federal representatives as well as the California Contractors State License Board. I also contacted other local politicians but received no response from them regarding my case. But I didn't give up.

Prevailing wage jobs have strict wage rules that involve taxpayer money. This company lied for 15 years about him making $2,000 a month (which was the original amount of support he was supposed to pay me). He testified in court that a worker earns $38 an hour plus benefits, which he said equates to about $62 an hour (which I believe is much higher now).

The story goes on

I feel depressed and scared

The worst part is that my Social Security is $1,271 for the rest of my life because they put me into early retirement when he turned 62 last year. The SSI lady, after reviewing his paperwork, told me, “Oh, you'll be very happy!” I said, “How happy will I be?” Imagine my face when I only got $71 more a month.

But wait, it gets worse. The United States Department of Housing and Urban Development increased my rent by $35 per month, so my net increase was $36 per month! I was shocked that SSI could screw me over too. Since meeting this man, my circumstances have deteriorated significantly, especially since I owned my own home at the time we met.

I owe him at least $300,000 based on what the divorce court allowed him to lie about, but the actual amount would have to be five times that since I think he made over $120,000 a year. I am now 70 years old. I own a 20 year old car and live in a slum. I'm so angry, I'm depressed and I'm scared to death. What is my next step?

The ex-wife

“I regularly advise couples against combining all of their assets, especially those who are dating later in life and/or have shown themselves to be financially irresponsible.” – MarketWatch illustration

Dear ex-wife,

What a charmer – he said hello to bankruptcy and goodbye to foreclosure.

Her ex-husband caused financial instability and chaos everywhere he went, but it wasn't because of his own lack of self-confidence or ambition: to renovate this, to liquidate that. He was quite a guy. I regularly advise couples against combining all of their assets, especially those who are dating later in life and/or have shown themselves to be financially irresponsible.

But this guy didn't hide who he was. He earned a maximum of $80,000 a year, had just filed for bankruptcy and yet bought a sports car, an RV and a boat? He was someone who, like a gambler, was desperately trying to fill the proverbial God-created void and needed resources and/or a partner with wealth to do so. He found the latter.

There may be a reason your husband's Social Security benefit was far less than you expected. He was paid off by his best friend and employer, which would explain why he was able to set his support lower than you expected. However, he and his employer still have to comply with a court demand for payment.

Social Security Spousal Benefits

If you were 62 last year and he was 70, you would have been eligible for spousal benefits from your ex-husband's Social Security. $1,271 should be 32.55% of his monthly benefit and not the full 50% of the entitlement. According to Social Security Administration estimates, he could have made a good living in recent years.

The Center on Budget and Policy Priorities estimates that “80% of retired workers – and an even larger percentage of disabled workers and elderly widows and widowers – received monthly benefits of less than $2,500 last year.” And with your monthly Social Security barely exceeds the annual income ($15,060) for people at the poverty line. Read more here.

I appreciate that you have reached out to multiple organizations and federal officials, and I have no doubt it is because you are at your wits end. This 15-year battle has reached epic proportions, especially considering the fact that your circumstances were worse compared to when you met your ex-husband. Now is the time to be simple, calm and direct.

The State Bar of California has resources for finding free legal advice. California courts have information about judicial self-help services, low-cost referral services, legal aid agencies, government agencies, and law schools that could help. The Internal Revenue Service may also be tasked with garnishing tax refunds. The courts can also confiscate bank accounts.

Right to unpaid maintenance

Your ex and his employer can dodge emails or calls, but they can't change the wording of the law. If they were actually served with a “garnishment notice,” your ex and his company could be charged with contempt of court. They can be fined and jailed if they refuse to cooperate. A family law advisor or a family law attorney can help you with this.

The whole point of divorce is to get a person out of your life and your mind. Therefore, there is a more difficult conversation that you may not want to have with yourself about what point you decide to win this battle by letting it go and moving on with your life. It's a battle of wills and a legal battle over your support payments – over who can outlive the other.

Maybe you were deceived and/or you also wanted something honorable in return: companionship, love, or the financial security of sharing your life and expenses with another person. But one way to find peace, regardless of the outcome of your alimony payments, is to be completely honest with yourself and acknowledge the role you played.

For now, you need an experienced family law attorney on your side.

Previous columns by Quentin Fottrell:

My late aunt gave her husband a lifetime lease on their house – but her lawyer wouldn't even let us see the will. Is that a bad sign?

“We were all ready to enjoy our retirement”: My son invested in startups and we bailed him out with $100,000. What now?

I don't want to end up with stalkers: Should I tell my heirs that I'm writing a will and how much they're expected to inherit?

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