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Fighting with a narcissist for custody of your children is likely to be conflicting, expensive, and traumatic. But with the right help and support, you can make the process less daunting and more manageable.
Whether or not you choose to be involved in your children’s lives, it’s important to avoid unnecessary animosity and fighting between you and your ex-spouse.
Children often need both parents in their lives, and they shouldn’t be forced to choose sides. It is also important not to use your children as messengers, as they are half yours and half theirs.
Developing a housing plan for your children is essential to minimizing their post-divorce stress, anxiety, and sense of isolation. To help you understand how to create a schedule that works best for everyone, see Standard Ownership Rules and Parenting Time. This document contains sample visit plans.
You must also be willing to negotiate child support. While most parents follow Texas child support guidelines, you may also need to negotiate child support payments. Be sure to negotiate an amount that meets your children’s basic needs while staying within guidelines.
If you’re not sure where the case is going, apply for restraining orders. The court has the power to change the outcome of a divorce, so make sure you’re honest with yourself about your case. Many people hesitate to apply for a restraining order because they are afraid of going to court. But these decisions can have long-term consequences for both parties.
Character assassination should be avoided at all costs
When you get divorced, you are likely to feel a lot of negative emotions – anger, sadness, betrayal. It’s only natural to want to attack your ex, especially when he or she is being difficult.
However, by joining your ex in the midst of all this turmoil, you only give him or her more ammunition to use against you. It’s important to focus on your goals and walk the right path.
This is of course easier said than done. When your ex is narcissistic, it can be hard to resist being drawn into his or her games.
But remember, narcissists feed on drama and conflict. The more you engage with them, the happier they will be. So try to get over it and stay calm. This will only make it easier for you to end up getting what you want — both emotionally and financially.
Try to communicate only through lawyers
If you have children, a custody battle will inevitably involve them. And while it’s important to be honest with them about what’s going on, you should try to shield them from the conflict as much as possible.
It’s best to communicate with your ex through your lawyers and only focus the conversation on your children. This may be the most expensive option, but it helps minimize stress and anxiety.
Of course, that’s not always possible — especially if you have a narcissistic ex-wife who wants to use the kids as pawns in their games. It is then all the more important to remain calm and level-headed and to keep an eye on what is best for the children. They deserve to have parents who can put their differences aside and work together for them.
By keeping lines of communication open and focusing on the children, you can make their transition into a new family dynamic a little easier.
Expect your ex’s charm to work on the court
A narcissistic ex-wife is likely to make up all sorts of stories to win a custody case — many of which the courts could buy up if you’re not careful.
It is important that you keep a clear head in such a situation and that you are open to all possible outcomes. If your spouse is desperate to paint you in a negative light, then you need to be prepared to counter his argument with your own evidence.
The last thing you want is to lose custody of your children because of an ex’s lies. Be smart, be level-headed, and always be ready to fight for what is rightfully yours.
Document everything carefully
If you’re going through a divorce, it’s important to document everything as accurately as possible. This gives you the best chance of success in court.
Narcissistic ex-wives often try to shed light on their ex-husbands and make them look like the bad guy in front of the judge. But if you have a clear record of what really happened, you can set the records straight.
Keep a journal of all your interactions with your children and make sure you document any negative interactions with your ex. If she tries to turn the kids against you, you have evidence to back your side of the story.
Accuracy is key in a custody hearing. So make sure you document everything as accurately as possible.
Concentrate on your children
When you’re blinded by emotions, it’s easy to fall back into the orbit of a narcissistic ex. Stop feeling sorry for your ex and start thinking about the implications of every decision you make.
If you haven’t read it yet, read it again and remember the six signs it might be time to move on.
It takes a long time to heal after a divorce. You may feel like you’ve lost everything: your home, your family, and your self-esteem. Consider therapy so you can begin to understand the true nature of your ex-wife’s narcissism. Your narcissistic ex-wife is a skilled manipulator and she will often use your children as a means to an end. She will try to turn your children against you or use them as leverage in future custody battles.
As hard as it may be, you need to focus on your children and their needs. Don’t let your ex take control of the situation. Keep communication with your children as open as you can and don’t say anything negative about their narcissistic parents. Be the stable force in their lives and help them get through this difficult time.
Trust someone with your feelings
These words are enough to drive anyone into blind rage. And for a good reason.
Narcissists are manipulative, selfish, and often downright cruel. If you’ve been unlucky enough to be married to one, then you know firsthand how challenging it can be to deal with their constant demands and criticism.
But even if your divorce has been final for years, the pain and anger you feel toward your ex-wife can still linger.
If you’re having trouble moving on, it can be helpful to offload your feelings onto someone you trust.
Talking about your experiences can help you find closure and heal the wounds of your marriage. And while venting your frustration is important, try not to dwell on the negative. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your life and the people who love and support you. In time, you will be able to break up with your ex-wife and build a happy, healthy life for yourself.
Choose an attorney who has experience dealing with narcissists
A person with narcissism displays excessive self-esteem, craves excessive admiration, and lacks compassion for others.
If you find yourself in the unfortunate position of having children with a narcissist, it is important to find an attorney who has experience dealing with this type of personality. Narcissists are often manipulative and dealing with narcissistic ex-wives can be particularly difficult.
An experienced attorney who specializes in this type of personality will know how to handle it to help you through the struggle to get the best possible outcome.