Monogamy, that is, being married to one person at the same time, is the marriage system practiced by many Christians in Nigeria and other African countries. However, it continues to be cited as one of the causes of infidelity by wives and husbands. PAUL OKAH asks whether a return to polygamy can contain the devastating consequences of infidelity.
According to online dictionaries, “Polygamy (derived from the late Greek word ‘polygamía’) is the practice of marrying multiple spouses (regardless of gender). When a man is married to more than one woman at the same time, sociologists call this polygyny. If a woman is married to more than one husband at the same time, it is called polyandry. “
Decades ago, polygamy was a form of marriage common in Nigeria and other African countries, in which men married two or more women and had no excuse for infidelity, while it was difficult, if not impossible, for African women to marry to more than one husband at the same time.
With colonization and “civilization,” however, in addition to allowing Muslims to marry up to four women at a time, religious leaders and legal considerations literally force many men to stay with one woman, but to hide or make excuses to find their wives with numerous girlfriends, side chicks, and other concubines when they are fed up with their wives.
Although it is common for couples to accuse each other of infidelity and for divorce cases to linger in court, there are many cases where men have murdered their wives or wives of their husbands, even though men and women have died in hotel rooms during sexual affairs with young men or women Women.
With new facts surfacing daily, the media was flooded last week with the alleged assassination of 50-year-old super-TV CEO Michael Usifo Ataga by a 21-year-old 300-year-old student from the University of Lagos. Chidinma Ojukwu, in Lagos, in a Lekki apartment rented by lovers for sex escapades, although the late Ataga was married to a beautiful woman with all the natural gifts a man would want from a woman.
As expected, the news of the murder has generated mixed reactions among Nigerians, with many claiming that Ataga would have been alive today if he had been married to more than two women instead of being married to one woman and her with cheating little girls.
Speaking to this reporter, a social commentator, Mr. Okpo Nnanna Okpo, said that a man or woman should marry more than two wives or two husbands if he or she wants to live long.
He said: “The logic that the man should limit himself to one woman in order to live long is wrong, because polygamy is still practiced in many African societies and is practiced even by Nigerians, no matter how unofficially. It’s a matter of choice and controllability. Our forefathers married more than one, and they and their wives and children lived long. When you’re sticking to a female, the side chicks thing comes into play. We practically live in a sham these days, pretending to practice monogamy.
“Since the choice of partner was previously strongly influenced by the parents, maintaining the marriage was solely the responsibility of the couple and obedience to social laws. Every man who thinks a woman is not enough for him and he has the capacity should get another one. Let’s stop using this pretext and end this premature death in the hands of strange women. There is also polyandry; where a woman marries more than a man. Every woman who believes she is capable and has willing husbands should be allowed to marry her. “
Also, a blogger and media advisor to Bayelsa governor Bodmas Kemepadei, who is also an unrepentant advocate of polygamy, has responded to the problem of infidelity in a monogamous marriage after announcing that his wife would allow him to have as many sex partners as possible advised Nigerians to adopt polygamy on Friday June 25, adding that the man’s attempt to practice monogamy had resulted in cheating, heartache, increased sex drive and death.
He said, “It was 11 years that we were together before we got married. There were other babes around during those times and she was well aware of that. Still, the patient and we both tolerated nonsense from one another. We got married and it’s been almost two years of marriage. Don’t leave your husband because he has too many partners. Women should learn to share. I haven’t seen a man with just one partner before. Men are the same; Just find someone who is caring, a giver, not a tyrant, and get settled. Nothing for Waka Waka life.
“I repeat my previous position, humans are polygamous by nature. The man’s selfish attempt to practice monogamy leads to lies, deceit, heartache, increase in sex drive, and possibly death. Before crucifying chidinma, please read her confession. Loyalty to a woman is no guarantee that you will not be stabbed. “
A lawyer’s perspective
Speaking to Blueprint Weekend, a legal practitioner, Bright I. Uche, said that Africans have been brainwashed to believe polygamy is evil, Nigerian laws encourage monogamy.
“Infidelity generally has no complete cure other than self-control. However, certain practices that are native to Africa can help reduce infidelity to the lowest levels. Here I strongly preach that we as Africans should not be brainwashed to demonize polygamy.
“According to the Law on Marriage Matters, LFN 2004 and Marriage Law, LFN 2004, no polygamous marriages are provided, but monogamous marriages (one man, one woman). However, the adoption of this legislation does not change our traditional or customary practices. In short, you can still get married in our traditional way, which allows a man to have as many wives as he can adequately care for.
“My belief is, and is clearly shared by many, that where our society promotes polygamy, infidelity will decrease dramatically and the dangers posed by the thriving side-chick industry will decrease. The files of single women, unhappy spouses and broken families will be depleted, ”he said.
What the Bible Says
Speaking to Blueprint Weekend, a pastor from Redeemed Christian Church of God, Jahi, Abuja, Pastor Joshua Adekunle said that God does not support polygamy, especially not in the New Testament, as a man is expected to be faithful to his wife and vice versa rather than cheating with men and women outside of marriage.
He said: “The Bible is full of passages that encourage fidelity in marriage. I don’t believe there is a church that promotes polygamy as we are no longer in the old and sinful days of our ancestors where they married many women and lived in unholy communities.
“The Bible is clear in Genesis 2: 22-24, which says: ‘The Lord God shaped the rib that He had taken from the man into a woman and brought it to the man. The man said, “This is now bones of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She is to be called woman because she was taken out of man. ”For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and they will become one flesh.
“Again, Matthew 19: 4-6 says: ‘And he answered and said,’ Did you not read that He made them from the beginning, made them male and female and said, ‘Therefore a man becomes his father leave?’ and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh ‘? So you are no longer two, but one flesh. So what God has put together, let no one separate. “
“Also at Ephesians 5: 32-33 it says: ‘This mystery is great; but I am speaking in relation to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each of you should love your own wife as you do yourself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. “