Pretoria spouse on how opening her marriage after infidelity made her happier, in addition to skilled recommendation

• Being in an open marriage can be considered taboo by society.
• But when their union got into trouble, 36-year-old Cindy Adams * and her 38-year-old husband Thomas Adams * found an alternative way to meet the challenges.
• The Pretoria couple have been married for 12 years and their relationship began as monogamous until 4 years ago.

“Thomas and I met when we were both young and frankly naive. We were together for a year and decided to tie the knot. We didn’t know much about each other other than that we were crazy about love and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Our “honeymoon phase” lasted a few years before Thomas started acting weird, ”shares Cindy.

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Thomas would be home late, was very distant sexually, and the couple started arguing about little things that never bothered them. Things escalated and Cindy began to distance herself too, and was even drawn to other men.

“I’ve noticed a pattern in my husband’s behavior and actions. He no longer allowed me to touch his phone, and he no longer spent weekends with me. I then found out through a mutual friend that he cheated on me, ”she shares.

At that point, Cindy confronted Thomas, and he denied it. “This discovery made me angry and heartbroken. I swore I’d never entertain a man who cheated. Growing up I was always told that a man who cheats on you won’t love or respect you, and I’ve always believed that, “shares Cindy.

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“To numb the pain and get revenge, I went on dates with several men. Some dates were terrible, others were organic and fun. There was a certain one that caught my eye. I have connected with this one man on almost every level. I didn’t have to pretend I was someone, he knew I was married and he made me feel special and pleased me sexually, ”Cindy says of the matter that made things clearer for her .

After Cindy went out with him for a few months and spent the weekends with him, she decided to sit down with Thomas and tell him about the other man in her life. “One of the reasons I chose to tell him was to make it easier for him to be honest with me about his infidelity. I explained to Thomas that I don’t want us to get divorced, I want us to have an open relationship to save our marriage, “says Cindy.

After an uncomfortable silence, Thomas finally admitted that he had seen someone else too.

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He also wanted to stay married, and after intense discussion, the couple opted for an open marriage. “We have established the basic rules: we would never meet the other parties in any of our lives, they are not the first in our lives, we will always practice safe sex and we would always be honest with each other about our whereabouts,” shares Cindy .

Cindy was jealous at first, but she soon realized how their marriage was getting stronger, more transparent, and they were becoming happier. In hindsight, Cindy believes they both longed to do research outside of their marriage because they got married at an early age and didn’t research pre-marriage dating.

“We had to define exactly what it means to be in a communicative marriage that fulfills. We discarded the rules and norms we grew up with. It has often been difficult, and as we move through the complexities of everyday life, disagreements persist, forcing us to evaluate the rules and further define our way forward. But since we built this life together, one thing is certain: Thomas is primarily my only one, and it just happens that we are in an open marriage, ”says Cindy confidently.

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Phumzile Ndlovu, a registered counselor, says in a relationship where infidelity prevails that the aggrieved partner can be affected in a number of ways.

“The individual can experience various emotional responses such as betrayal, anger, sadness, sadness, disappointment, resentment, rejection, depression, humiliation, anger, jealousy, insecurity, and devastation,” she says.

Relationships with other parties outside of marriage can also be affected. “Individuals can withdraw socially or isolate themselves because of feelings of shame, embarrassment and fear of being judged. When children are involved, they may feel a sense of self-blame. “

Is opening marriage after infidelity a viable option to regain happiness? Let us know your thoughts here.

* Names have been changed

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