Pricey Abby: spouse learns of divorced mom’s infidelity; Ought to she inform her siblings?

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a funeral with my mother’s family. During my visit, one of my aunts confided in me that my mother cheated on my father while they were married. I’m sure my father has no idea about the affair.

My parents’ divorce was extremely ugly. My mother told us many things about our father that I now know are lies – including fathering other children, being a pedophile, and having bank accounts full of money hidden in other countries. Because of her lies, my siblings idolize and loathe our mother.

I think I might change their minds if I tell them about their affair. I know the man she had the affair with and could prove what I’m saying. I hate hearing my siblings dragging Dad’s names through the mud for things he never did because I know my mom continues to manipulate her feelings and opinions. Should I tell my siblings about their affair? – DAUGHTER WITH OPEN EYES

LOVE OPEN EYES: Before I answer your question, ask yourself why your aunt entrusted you with this information. Were her motives pure or did she not like her sister? You say your father has no idea that your mother might have cheated, but you realize that their divorce was “extremely ugly”. Could infidelity be involved, and if so, whose?

You also stated that your mother has been accusing your father of doing things he never did for years. The term for this is “parental alienation”. Manipulating children in this way is unhealthy because it gives them a distorted idea of ​​what to expect from their own relationships.

You say you can prove what your aunt told you. I can only ask: HOW? Has it been confirmed by your mother’s supposed lover? If it has been confirmed, I see no reason why you shouldn’t tell your siblings what you were told. But if you’re not one hundred percent sure it’s true, my advice is to shut up and let your aunt be the one to bring the news.

DEAR ABBY: I know this has happened to you: you meet a new person (usually a woman), reach out your hand to shake hello, only to get your hand pushed aside with “Oh, I’m a huggable” , and you’re chained to this complete stranger.

Shoe on the other foot: Lady comes up to me, holds out her hand to shake, I push her aside and say: “I’m a kisser with the tongue” – sip or “I’m a grabber” – press. What really makes people think that everyone wants to be hugged? You may find it cute; I think it’s invasive. Please give hugs every day! – HUGLESS AND HAPPY IN FLORIDA

DEAR HAH: You are making a good argument with regard to the COVID-19 pandemic, which is why I am printing your letter. Since this happens to you regularly, you may need to be nimble. Try this: When the hugging people rush forward, take a giant step back.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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