My first husband was exceptionally unfaithful, I knew about six matters he had (I mean, if you want to do something, at least get it right … and he really got it right!)
We eventually got divorced, but infidelity wasn’t my reason for leaving.
After that debacle, I started a private, women-run investigation firm called The Lady Detective Agency.
In the beginning it was all fun and games. I got used to the friends who helped expose my ex-husband and we set out to become professional spies.
The first three to five years were incredible. We’ve traveled the world in the most glamorous ways, exploring everything from transsexual prostitutes to missing ferrets.
We rubbed shoulders with people like Jude Law and flew to New York in business class.
There was also a very strange time when I was interviewed alongside singer Emile Sande and the Swedish Prime Minister in the Swedish version of ‘Jonathan Ross’!
We sat in cars and ate donuts and Doritos, and more importantly, we discovered the truth for thousands of people who desperately had no other place to turn.
Infidelity started my media career and I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to write a bestselling book about our flamboyant antics.
I was also allowed to tour Poland (fantastic country, spin it if the lock is lifted!) To promote the book. Imagine sitting on the Good Morning Britain equivalent with a Polish translator in your ear, but then your earphone drops out and you are actually sitting on Polish national LIVE TV with no idea what the presenters are saying ask and try to inspire your way out of this!
My life was really all fun and games.
While I absolutely forgave my husband’s infidelity, I like to think that I got the ultimate vengeance. Don’t get me wrong, I was pretty insane exposing his antics.
I certainly threw black paint over his white car (which I owned for your information) and smashed the strange window in my time (not my finest hour), but my “business success” spoke for itself.
The agency grew beyond anything I had ever really imagined, and soon I found myself the glorified manager of over 50 people, and my days of active investigation were practically over.
The friends I started with all had children, and I ran a monster of a business I no longer loved.
To stay would have been a disservice to all that I have created, and in all honesty, seeing so much infidelity has plagued my soul!
I accepted an offer to sell three years ago, but let me tell you what I learned from it.
Infidelity is not the end of the world
For over 80% of the issues I uncovered, the marriages stayed together. Face Facts … imagine you have been married for 20 years, you love your partner very much, you have children, a house, your family is completely involved, you could not survive financially on your own and tomorrow you find out that yours Spouses have been having an affair for the past six months.
Are you ready to get up and go Often times the enormity of breaking up is just too big, so people stay! Are things ever the same No, but most people get it to work.
As an “affair of the body”, physical infidelity is completely different from an “affair of the mind”.
You may or may not be surprised to know that most matters are not “physical matters,” which are just a one-time physical interaction between two people. 97% of the issues I’ve uncovered have been emotional issues. Where two parties invest emotions, time and physical presence in each other – and THAT is what I can’t deal with.
Physical infidelity, intercourse with someone doesn’t particularly bother me.
It is a terribly stupid act to take part in because you are essentially playing with your relationship, but I can forgive someone for having intercourse with another person. I cannot forgive an emotional matter.
Emotional investments are MUCH harder to break when an affair is exposed.
A partner who tells another person all of your deepest secrets, confides in them, turns to them for emotional support, longing for them, creates emotional distance between the two people who are actually in a relationship, when a partner trusts a third party and there are far bigger problems in their relationship, with emotional matters it is only a matter of time when love shows up, and when love shows up in an affair it soon leaves a relationship (if it doesn’t is already gone!).
Why am I talking about it now? Well, people have always mistakenly assumed that the New Year was the best time to uncover infidelity, but to tell the truth … spring is a “stupid time of year”!
Yes, we are now entering the peak time of the year for business to begin.
All come out of hibernation and beyond a lock! I may have spent three years outside the investigative world, but I have no doubt that things haven’t changed.
So, a very polite word of warning … keep your eyes peeled because there is infidelity all around us. In the most unlikely places …