You’re Not Alone: ​​From infidelity to lack of affection, why individuals really feel caught of their relationships

Leaving a long-term relationship can be difficult, even when all the signs of letting go are there. This became clear when W24 recently published a story titled: 8 Signs It’s Time to Let Go of a Relationship That No Longer Serves You.

After reading the signs listed below, many wrote that their relationships are not as healthy as they had hoped. The warning signs according to the article are:

1 – You/your partner are detached from your relationship and just move on.

2 – There is very little engagement, communication or connection between you – it all happens on a superficial level.

3 – No talking about the future or setting any future goals.

4 – The relationship is one-sided – your needs are not taken into account.

5 – You/your partner use unhealthy avoidance/coping mechanisms such as alcohol, substance abuse, stonewalling, silence, etc.

6 – You/your partner are non-binding in discussions, plans or actions.

7 – You/your partner keep threatening to leave/break up the relationship.

8 – You have underlying resentment about things that happened in the past and are unable to forgive and move forward together.

Many of the subscribed readers admit that staying in their long-term relationships has become increasingly difficult for a variety of reasons. These include separation from a partner, little to no communication, one-sided relationships, or an inability to overcome conflict.

Although many have felt it is time to move on, they fear life without their partner or worry that leaving could be a mistake. These feelings are not uncommon.

“Often fear keeps us from making the final decision to let go,” relationship expert Paula Quinsee told W24 as she broken down the eight signs it’s time to walk away.

READ MORE | 8 signs it’s time to let go of a relationship that no longer serves you

While it’s painful to admit that so many people go through struggles, and sifting through dozens of emails has made us realize one thing – you may feel like you’re fighting this battle alone, but you’re not.

Check out some of the stories shared with us below:

*Ntombi says she has been with her fiancé for three years. Everything was perfect until she got pregnant. “He started to change,” she explains in a message to W24. “[He was] not sleeping at home, drinking too much, wasting money in clubs until I miscarried last year.

“It was painful. I was alone until I decided to leave him, but he came back and asked me to come home and apologized for everything he had done to me.”

Ntombi decided to forgive her ex and take him back. But it kept getting worse. “I found out he cheated on me when I was pregnant; he even rented an apartment for the girl.

“After that everything changed; to this day nothing seems to work, he always accuses me of cheating even though there isn’t even any sign that I cheated and I think he does that every time he blackmails me because he knows he did it has a lot of money. I am tired. I want to leave him, but it’s hard for me.”

READ MORE | 5 green flags to look out for in a romantic relationship

Another anonymous note tells the story of a broken marriage:

“I’m in a marriage where I’d most like to let go, but the point is having his child with me doesn’t let me take that step.

“I was so confused that I lost the direction of my life,” writes the anonymous woman, adding that her family advised her to stay with her husband because of their child.

“But that can’t be me [with] someone who doesn’t even talk to me or share their feelings or express anything to me at all. i feel i’m alive [with] someone who does not live in the same house; he’s never there… he’s just doing his duty of being a father.”

In a succinct message, a reader recounts the strain of a long-distance relationship:

“One-sided relationship. A long distance relationship. He is gone [6 months ago]. I haven’t seen him in person since then. But he calls and texts me every day. Now I’m in a bit of a depression and can’t think straight. I should know better than to cling to him. But he’s the best guy I’ve ever dated.”

Many readers express fear of leaving a long-term relationship and admit they have attributed self-esteem to their partner. Another reader says:

“Marriage of 34 years but it doesn’t work anymore. It hasn’t worked for a very long time. I’m afraid to make this decision because I feel like I have no life outside of this marriage.”

READ MORE | 7 signs your long-distance relationship is here to stay

Leaving is even more difficult when you share children with your partner

“Letting go is hard, especially when you have kids together,” writes another anonymous reader.

“I have four children with my partner and we have been making this song and dancing for more than two years. She no longer wants the relationship but wants us to live together and raise the children. We both had affairs, but we still get back to each other. We often fight and cannot let go of past hurts. Resentment and disrespect run rampant in the relationship and as soon as I kick her stuff out we’re back together.

“Now I want to move out but she doesn’t agree and says we should stick together for the kids. There’s no sex, not even hugs, and it feels like I’m trapped. I plan to just move out without warning because I’m fed up. The emotional trauma is too great. She says I’m too eager to get results, but after two years, and you say you don’t want marriage, the best thing to do is let the man go.”

How did you overcome the challenges in your relationship? Tell us here.

If you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety/depression or need someone to talk to, please contact the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) on 0800 567 567.

*Names have been changed or removed to protect the privacy of those who shared their stories.

READ MORE | Are you tempted to go back to your toxic ex? Here’s how to stay away

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