There are many shades of infidelity. Emotional infidelity is one of them.
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Many people come to therapy when they feel betrayed by their partner, not sexually but emotionally. You ask questions like:
- “My partner texts people all day, even when they’re with me. Is that a problem or am I just blowing things out of proportion?”
- “My partner shares everything with his best friend, even personal details about our relationship. I understand their friendship is special, but do I always have to feel left out?
- “My partner has always been a social magnet, but their flirtation doesn’t feel harmless anymore. How do I teach them?”
Emotional infidelity is a complicated and ambiguous phenomenon. There are many contextual factors that determine whether an act qualifies as emotional cheating, such as: B. Personal and relationship boundaries, the tone and content of communications, disclosure of sensitive information, and breaking your partner’s trust.
What is not ambiguous is that it can hurt just as much as sexual infidelity. The resulting feelings of betrayal, jealousy, and insecurity are just as real.
Emotional cheating can destroy relationships, so it needs to be addressed. Here are three ways partners can emotionally cheat and what you can do to address their problematic behavior.
#1. Excessive and secret flirting
Flirting is a common form of emotional cheating. It can be harmless fun or a way to boost your ego, but if your partner is doing it behind your back, it could be crossing a line.
Innocent flirting with strangers can also be distinguished from “flirting” with specific people. When your partner keeps coming back to a specific person in their life for the flirtation kick, they may develop a sense of intimacy and comfort in the dynamic — and begin to open the doorway for larger transgressions.
This may not be an issue for people who are in relationships that have more accommodating boundaries. But for the average monogamous relationship, secret flirting can be a slow poison. According to a study published in the American Journal of Family Therapy, it may be easier to initiate, maintain, and conceal flirtations online and turn into affairs.
If you think your partner’s flirting habit has become too big to ignore, here are a few questions to ask yourself:
- Do they seem more engaged when talking to this other person?
- Do they always respond quickly to their messages or calls?
- Does your relationship with this person affect your relationship with them?
If so, maybe it’s time for a serious talk with your partner. Sometimes people don’t even realize they’re flirting because it’s part of their personality. Therefore, it is important that you voice your concerns, reevaluate boundaries, and establish what is mutually acceptable.
#2. oversharing
It’s perfectly natural to have close relationships outside of your romantic relationship. You cannot expect your partner to come home and tell you every little detail about their day and turn to you with every problem they face.
But what happens when confidential information about your relationship and your partner’s life is shared with a third party? What if someone else is weighing up issues that you only want the two of you to solve?
When someone outside of the relationship becomes your partner’s only confidante, especially regarding matters affecting your relationship, it can damage the foundation of your relationship. This type of emotional cheating can be just as damaging as an affair because it creates an emotional bond that should be reserved for your relationship.
A study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin confirms what many of us suspect: a person who experiences emotional intimacy outside of their relationship is also more likely to be sexually unfaithful.
In such a situation, it may be wise to seek professional help and figure out how to make your relationship a space both partners are comfortable in.
#3. Search for virtual intimacy
In the age of social media, it’s easy to connect with people from all over the world without ever leaving the couch. While there’s nothing wrong with having online friends, problems arise when those relationships start to take precedence over your real ones.
Infidelity on the Internet is an exclusive phenomenon of our time. According to a study published in Family Journal, it provides a way for a person in a committed relationship to access emotional (or sexual) intimacy with someone else with some degree of detachment.
But such relationships can be very real. Just because you don’t have to meet or face the person you’re dating doesn’t mean your new bond is artificial. An internet relationship can also have very real consequences, like wasting energy and time that were meant for your relationship.
If you think your partner might be involved in an emotional affair online, here are four signs to look out for:
- They spend more time online than they used to
- They keep their online activities secret
- They talk about someone else more than they used to
- They seem to be in a better mood when they are near their computer or phone
If you notice any of these signs, it’s important to talk to your partner about what you’re seeing and how it makes you feel. People involved in emotional affairs often fail to realize how much their behavior is damaging their relationship. By speaking openly and honestly, you can help your partner see how their behavior is affecting you and your relationship, and take steps to resolve the issue.
Conclusion
Every couple defines their emotional and sexual boundaries in some way. For some people, the boundaries are set after deliberation. For others they are accepted. To avoid confusion and overstepping, it’s important for couples to be open about boundaries rather than just hoping they’re just guessing right.
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