Spoiler Alert! I will discuss examples and plots from Anatomy of a Scandal. If you haven’t seen it yet, you might want to watch it first and read it afterwards.
The end of a marriage
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The White Houses
Sophie (Sienna Miller) is the classic popular girl turned wealthy wife. She is confident, sociable and settled down, at least until she discovers her husband’s affair. Sophie keeps her composure and offers her husband public support, but in private she addresses her dissatisfaction and suspicions head on.
And then there’s James (Rupert Friend). Has anyone ever been as annoyingly successful as James? From his Oxford years we see that he excels at whatever he attempts and his success continues. He’s a wealthy and charming politician with a lovely family, and the only problem in James’ life is… James. He thinks the world and everyone in it belongs to him. To be fair, he was raised to believe that, and for much of his life it was true.
healing from infidelity
From the first episode we witness the painful experience of an affair coming to light. It’s made even more painful by the publicity and pressure to act like a happy family, and made worse by the fact that the affair partner is also pursuing a lawsuit against James, alleging he raped her.
Discovering an affair is disorienting, to say the least. The betrayed person will have many questions and need answers and patience as they take their time to process the betrayal. They need to understand why the affair happened and then decide if they want to stay in the relationship.
And infidelity doesn’t just happen. Research from the Gottman Institute has shown that there are usually issues in a relationship that precede cheating, such as: B. Important needs that are not being met. A common culprit is when someone turns away and ignores their partner’s pleas and feelings, leading to loneliness and anger. Cheating is a symptom of marital problems, but then it becomes a cause.
On the night of the disclosure, Sophie asks what Esther Perel calls investigative questions (and a few detective questions) about the affair. She’s looking for clarity on why it happened and wants some details on where and how often.
Pressed for an explanation, James admits he was stressed at work and Olivia (Naomi Scott) was there for him, giving him attention and making him feel important. But he is quick to downplay this, assuring Sophie that their marriage was not a source of unhappiness for him and that this affair was due to his own poor judgment.
Well, that I think is true.
I imagine their marriage was as good as it could be. They had emotional intimacy, satisfying sex lives, shared meaning through raising their children, and a common circle of friends. So why did he cheat?
Well, why was he cheating in college at Oxford? Was he secretly unhappy with Sophie the whole time?
No, I think their relationship was as affair-proof as it could have been, barring one important factor, which is James himself. While most affairs happen because there are significant issues in the relationship, this affair seems to be all about James’ personality.
Antisocial Personality Disorder?
People with APD lack empathy
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People with Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) meet certain criteria, including, to name a few from the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the following:
Those with APD have personality functioning impairments, including these:
- Impaired self-function, such as B. Dependence of one’s identity and self-esteem on personal gain or setting personal goals that are not prosocial.
- Interpersonal dysfunctions such as B. A lack of empathy for others even after they have been hurt or an inability to demonstrate authentic intimacy that is not exploitative.
Individuals with APD also display certain pathologic features in two areas:
- Antagonism: Being manipulative, deceitful, callous, and/or hostile
- Disinhibition: Being irresponsible, impulsive, and willing to take risks
James Whitehouse easily meets many of the criteria for APD.
- He broke rules from a young age, even in matters as trivial as Monopoly, but also in significant events like removing evidence related to the death of a classmate.
- He doesn’t seem to show any real empathy or remorse for hurting Sophie. His agitated feelings are mostly for himself, dealing with the consequences of his actions.
- He is also manipulative and deceitful, even admitting to lying under oath in court because it made him appear better than the truth.
- He can be uninhibited and impulsive, as evidenced by his history of sexual assault.
However, I don’t think we can label him APD.
Here’s why.
James shows no sympathy for the feelings of others or remorse for his actions, but that’s because he genuinely doesn’t think he did anything wrong. Raised in obscene privilege, he is unaware of his effect on others.
His lack of empathy and awareness does not reflect an innate inability, but a learned sense of entitlement and innocence. James is taken aback at the idea of anyone not wanting to have sex with him, and he takes their protestations as insincere murmurs which they hope he will ignore. This is very different from James knowing that he violated another person and not feeling remorse about it.
If we could deprive James of his entitlement and privilege and we could get him to see that he hurt other people, chances are he would feel terrible.
The Rating: Leave them
Their sham marriage was perfect. Before the truth came out, Sophie and James were the couple that so many aspire to be. They were successful, supportive of each other, and able to handle anger (like James not coming to a party) with understanding and humor. But their real marriage is not worth saving.
Sophie’s attempts at communication and healing from the affair were admirable. Her insistence on holding James accountable for past actions and understanding how he may have cheated shows her commitment to working on the relationship.
However, their efforts are hampered by James, who tries to skip the conversations necessary for healing, lies whenever it’s in his best interest, and can’t see anything but his own needs. It’s impossible to have a genuine, deep, and honest relationship with someone as self-centered and entitled as James. There’s no point in trying to make this marriage work — it’s best left alone, and that’s exactly what she did.
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