Can Your Marriage or Relationship Survive Infidelity? [Courtesy]
You just came home from a night out. You’re giddy from an evening of drinks and a few laughs, and while you’ve had fun, you’re dying to return to the coziness of your home and the warm embrace of your significant other.
You said you’d be out until the wee hours but would be home early.
But there is a twist. From the moment you walk through the door, something isn’t right. A strange smell hangs in the air and clothes lie on the floor – your partner’s clothes and those of a strange woman.
You storm into the bedroom and your worst fears are confirmed. He cheats.
Let’s refrain from this terrible thought, because it is hypothetical. But for many women – and men – it’s a reality.
A study conducted by Consumer Insight in 2018 found that Kenyans are becoming increasingly involved with multiple lovers.
The study found that one in four Kenyans has multiple partners. The report didn’t specify which gender was more likely to be involved in the storyline, but found that 24 percent of respondents, or 1.2 million adults, admit to being romantically involved with more than one person.
But can your marriage or relationship survive infidelity?
Consulting psychologist Benjamin Zulu says there is hope. He says things may never be the same again, but the couple can build something new together.
“In many cases, if you are mature and committed, you can build something stronger than what was there before. Affairs are not caused for the same reasons; the causes are unique to the partners involved,” says Zulu.
The psychologist says it’s a problem that needs to be addressed through good communication and a lot of patience.
“You don’t hurt a person and you decide how quickly they should get over it. There is a difference between forgiveness and healing,” he says.
A study conducted by Consumer Insight in 2018 found that Kenyans are becoming increasingly involved with multiple lovers [Courtesy]
He says cheating can take many forms.
“Remember that affairs are defined differently in different relationships. It’s not just about sex. What constitutes a breach of trust, we call an affair,” he says.
Zulu adds that it takes a combined effort from both parties to recover from infidelity. The offender should show that they are genuinely sorry and will not repeat the mistake, while the cheated party should be willing to forgive.
“The person who has been scammed usually wonders what went wrong and how sure they can be that it won’t happen again. The offending party should be willing to say what strayed them. Trust must be earned again over time. You have to prove your consistency as a defaulting party,” he says.
Cosmopolitan Magazine echoes the same description of infidelity as Zulu, noting in a report that cheating means a commitment has been breached.
“Couples can feel betrayed by many variations of deviating from a monogamy agreement. For example, some couples might define kissing another person as cheating, while others don’t. Some may enjoy it when their partner flirts with a sexy co-worker, but draw the line with them if they continue the conversation over text after work,” the report said, adding, “It’s up to each individual to express where that line lies for him, even though the conversation can be difficult.”
The report adds that cheating can take many forms: emotional, sexual and spiritual.
Emotional infidelity involves building an emotional connection with another party. Sexual infidelity is the most “blatant” type and is described as having sex with other people outside of a committed relationship.
“This is when a partner spiritually connects with someone outside of the relationship, to the point of attachment and dependency. This particular type of infidelity can begin as an innocent spiritual connection in the form of help that leads to emotional attachment and expectations,” reports Cosmopolitan of Spiritual Infidelity.
If fraud has occurred, it means that an obligation has been breached [Courtesy]
Deviation from marriage is unfortunately common and has been reflected among notable figures in the entertainment world.
Even the marriages of some of the most powerful couples have been rocked by infidelity.
After years of rumors swirling that acclaimed billionaire rapper Jay Z had split from his marriage to superstar singer Beyoncé Knowles, he appeared to confirm the affair in recently released music.
“The hardest thing is seeing the pain on someone’s face that you’ve caused and then having to deal with yourself. you have to survive So you go into survival mode, and when you go into survival mode, what happens? You shut off all emotions,” the rapper told the New York Times in 2017. He added: “So, even with women, you’re going to shut down emotionally, so you can’t connect. In my case it is deep. And then all the things happen from there: infidelity.”
The BBC reports that Jay-Z’s 2017 album 4:44 alluded to him being unfaithful.
“He wrote, ‘Look, I apologize/Often effeminate/I assumed my child was born to see through a woman’s eyes.'”
Locally, the popular YouTube and social media couple, comedian Terrence Creative and his wife Milly Chebby were once rocked by infidelity.
In 2019, photos of Terrence and another woman surfaced online, putting the pair to both public scrutiny and their own personal rocky patch.
Anita Soina, the other woman involved in the scandal, took to social media after some back-and-forth, admitting the affair and claiming to have received threats from the couple.
“I’m sorry I found myself in a situation like this that cost me everything I held dear. I’m sorry for letting my colleagues down and I’m not sorry for speaking out,” said Anita.
Meanwhile, Milly started uploading cryptic posts to the internet implying that all was not well.
“God I need strength for two, mine and (our daughter) before I lose her. Your apology must be as loud as your disrespect was,” she commented on pictures of herself with her husband.
Weeks later, Terrence admitted to cheating on Milly and said the two were working on it.
“Yes, I did, and that’s how I learned my lesson. Milly and I will talk about it one day,” he said
Comments are closed.