Irrational ideas about infidelity | Gilza Fort Martinez

couple in conversation.RODNAE Productions

You have a wonderful partner. They love and care about you. You are committed and actively involved in your life. But you just can’t stop checking on them, peering at their phones, and worrying about their whereabouts.

Does that sound familiar to you? You may be dealing with an irrational fear of cheating that could have serious repercussions on your relationship.

Am I wrong to feel this way?

It’s important to honor your feelings and your fears. Your feelings are valid; However, you do have options as to how you respond to them.

You can explore your feelings and try to get to their source, then find the best way to act on them or root out the irrational part of your fears. These steps can help:

1. Identify and acknowledge your feelings.

How do you feel when your partner is not with you? Listen to your body’s reactions. are you tense Scared? Are you unable to focus on other things because your whole body and mind are focused on what your partner could be doing without you?

You may be focused on your partner’s actions, but also think about your own – afraid if he might cheat on you? Or do you feel:

• Anger because they don’t communicate with you?
• Sadness because you are separated?
• Jealousy because they give importance to other relationships?
• Insecurity because you think the relationship must be too good to be true?

2. Dive deeper into your feelings.

What are the actual emotions associated with your concerns about cheating? Dig deeper and identify what is behind the fear. This process can be difficult because it often evokes unpleasant memories or emotions, but nothing happens in a vacuum in our minds. Our past experiences and self-esteem affect the way we experience and deal with new situations. For example, you may have an irrational fear of cheating if you’ve experienced the following:

• Infidelity from partners (in your current relationship or previous relationships).
• A history of infidelity in your family of origin (eg, one parent was unfaithful to the other).
• Guilt from your own history of infidelity.
• Insecurity or low self-esteem.

You may also feel fear because you are afraid of loss. You may worry about losing your partner, but you may also worry about losing your standing in your community, losing your self-esteem and becoming trapped in the relationship.

3. Observe how your feelings affect your daily life.

When you are overcome by irrational fears of cheating, it can spill over into other parts of your life. For example, if you’ve been staring at the clock waiting for your partner to show up, you may be hot with them or start a fight when they come, which can damage your relationship.

When your body is regularly fueled by anxiety and restlessness, you may be more tired and have trouble concentrating. You may find that you lose your appetite or that you eat or drink more than you intended.

How can I overcome my fear of cheating?

Avoiding or minimizing a fear does not make it go away. Instead, it often reinforces them.

Your key to success here is setting boundaries and developing confidence around these self- and relationship-sabotaging behaviors. To deal with an irrational fear of cheating, you can:

1. Challenge your negative thought cycle. List examples of how this fear appears in your life and provide a counter explanation for each situation. The goal here is to challenge your negative thought cycle.
2. Embrace the fear. Explore what would happen if your partner cheated. What would the worst case scenario be? Visualize or talk to someone you trust about it, and then consider how you would handle the situation. Anticipating a fear doesn’t mean you manifest it. Instead, it helps you plan a response instead of having a response.
3. Share your feelings with your partner. Does your partner know you feel this way? Create the time and space to have an honest and vulnerable conversation about these feelings. Own these feelings so they are not heard or perceived as accusations.
4. Forgive your self the irrationality of fear. Forgiveness is the key to honoring painful situations and then letting go. Forgiving yourself and accepting where you are instead of focusing on how frustrated you are is the key to overcoming anxiety.

In romantic relationships, the need for safety and security is strong. When we open our hearts to another person, we are vulnerable and it can feel scary and insecure. It is important to remember that we can only control ourselves and are only responsible for the choices we make.

Every time we engage in a romantic relationship, we risk someone else and the life we ​​seek to build together. When feelings and worries about cheating are affecting your relationship, give yourself an opportunity to break the cycle and make the best decisions for your relationship.