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If you’ve ever been cheated on, you know that the pain can feel more excruciating than any physical pain imaginable. And it’s not just in your head. Psychologists from PsychCentral have even confirmed that the pain of infidelity can feel as bad as the grief of losing a loved one. Experts also point out that the psychological damage of being scammed can have long-lasting effects, triggering a form of PTSD the victim has not previously experienced. The bottom line: being scammed is something best avoided. Of course, you cannot control or predict the behavior of others. But you can understand some facts about cheating, what it looks like, why people cheat, and even where it most often happens. We did some digging and found the information on all of the above.
What is cheating?
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According to a report by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, published in the New York Times, 15 percent of married women and 25 percent of married men have had affairs. However, the report found that when non-physical emotional affairs were counted, fraud cases increased by 20 percent. This begs the question: what counts as cheating? The feeling of betrayal is subjective. But if someone feels betrayed, is that enough to accuse someone of infidelity?
Legally, cheating is when a married person voluntarily engages in sexual activity with someone who is not their spouse. In states with anti-cheating laws, an affair that fits that description can be a felony, says the Infidelity Recovery Institute. Anecdotally speaking, there are many other actions that can make a partner feel betrayed. Here are common types of scams:
· financial fraud. Financial fraud occurs when a partner takes financial actions that affect both parties and either fails to inform their partner of these actions or lies about them. This can include lying about purchases or income, hiding debts, and similar activities.
· emotional cheating. Emotional cheating can involve sharing deeply personal information with someone other than your partner, which can create a sense of intimacy usually reserved for a romantic relationship.
· cyber fraud. Cyber cheating takes various forms. It can include having video sex with someone else or simply exchanging X-rated messages with someone who isn’t your partner. Sometimes cyber cheating is a means of emotional cheating, especially when a person sends very personal messages or emails to someone who is not their partner.
· Physical cheating without sex. It involves physical activities that are usually reserved for the romantic relationship with someone who is not their partner. This can include anything from a kiss to oral sex to cuddling with another person.
Why do people cheat?
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So what causes people to cheat? Given the many ways infidelity shows up, cheating doesn’t boil down to something as simple as a sex drive. A romantic relationship usually involves intimacy on many levels. It’s a friendship, a sexual relationship, a partnership, and even a form of family. So when one of these areas isn’t being met in a relationship, a person can drop out to get the satisfaction they need elsewhere. That is why there are so many reasons why fraud occurs.
A study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy looked at nearly 500 people who admitted to cheating and discovered the causes of infidelity. They are:
- Fury
- problems with self-esteem
- lack of love
- Low commitment
- variety needed
- neglect
- sexual desire
- situation or circumstance
The study found one major commonality among all cheats: a lack of love or a sense of neglect in the main relationship correlated with higher emotional attachment to the outside partner. The study also found that this is a common dynamic in affairs.
Where do people cheat?
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Now that we know what scams look like and why they happen, curious minds want to know: where do scammers live? The experts behind the dating site MyDatingAdviser.com used US Census Bureau data to determine top cities for infidelity. They measured this using information about emotional well-being, life satisfaction, and the number of places one could have an affair. Experts also took into account the number of Google searches that showed an interest or intention to cheat. If you’re looking for monogamy and a committed relationship, these may not be the best places to live.
1) Dallas, TX. Dallas residents show a 32.85 percent Google search interest in hookup sites and a 12 percent divorce rate.
2) Fort Worth, Texas. Fort Worth residents show a 30.96% interest in cheating on Google searches and also see a 12% divorce rate.
3) Houston, Texas. Houstonians show a 32.67% interest in cheating on Google searches and face a 12% divorce rate.
4) St.Louis, MO. Missouri residents show a 32.04% interest in cheating on Google searches and face a 9% divorce rate.
5) Nashville, Tennessee. Just over 32% of Nashville residents are interested in cheating, according to their Google search results, and face a 12% divorce rate.
6) Philly, PA. A total of 31.59% of Philadelphia residents are interested in cheating and face a 13% divorce rate.
7) New York, NY. New Yorkers have a 31.77% interest in cheating, according to their Google search results, and face a 9% divorce rate.
8th) Knoxville, TN. Tennessee shows again with 30.69% of Knoxville residents interested in cheating and an 11% divorce rate.
9) Atlanta, GA. In Atlanta, 33.66% of residents are looking for ways to cheat online and 9% are getting divorced.
10) Washington, DC There are scammers just steps from the White House. A total of 30.78% of Washington, DC residents are interested in cheating and 9% are seeking a divorce.
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