After child custody, alimony is one of the most contentious and difficult-to-manage processes of any divorce. When two people break up, especially if the breakup is acrimonious, the last thing either of them wants to talk about is the prospect of giving each other money. But the subject needs to be worked on and the only way to do it successfully is to be armed with as much knowledge as possible.
“Alimony is one of the very last things that comes together,” said Lili Vasileff, founder and president of Wealth Protection Management and Divorce and Money Matters LLC and author of Money & Divorce: The Essential Roadmap To Mastering Financial Decisions. “Everything else happens and that’s the last piece of the puzzle that completes the whole picture and it’s usually the most complicated and complex because it depends on so many other things.”
It helps, Vasileff adds, to really approach things with realistic expectations, because if you’re negotiating alimony, you should have a very good idea of what all the other elements are when you close that deal. Vasileff, who has decades of experience guiding clients through child support payments, offered these best practice tips for negotiating child support payments.
Know your finances
One of the most important things to know about child support negotiations, according to Vasileff, is what it actually costs to live — understanding what you can get by with, what you can’t do without, and what you would love to have. Knowing that range, she says, allows you to negotiate from a better understanding of what you might accept or even give up.
She also says that you should get an idea of your own earning capacity. “Often I’m working with people who might be permanently or temporarily unemployed or not full-time, and it’s a fear factor not knowing what to wear in terms of your own skillset,” she says. “And it’s really a great time to at least think about it and plan for how you need to be more or less financially independent at some point in your own life, and what does that mean?”
Study the law
Take the time to learn about the laws in your state and how they apply to child support payments. There are many different types of child support payments, and researching what you can realistically ask for in your state will not only help you build your case, but also help you meet expectations. “If you’re expecting alimony for life and, let’s just say there’s a rule of thumb, it’s half your marriage,” Vasileff says, “you could be in for a really nasty surprise and not being able to negotiate alimony without that kind of knowledge.”
Create a budget
You will be making upfront payments and attorney fees, so make sure you actually have the resources to make those payments on time. “Lawyers are not sympathetic and often do not work for free,” says Vasileff. Also, make sure you set a budget as you begin preparing for your divorce. It’s a costly process and if you embark on it without a plan, you may run into a problem later. “Everyone plans weddings or a bar mitzvah or a cruise,” says Vasileff. “Very few people have a budget for a divorce and you need to understand that there are costs associated with divorce and it helps to think ahead so you’re not caught off guard and caught off guard.”
Manage your expectations
While every state has uniform guidelines for child support, few states have such guidelines when it comes to child support payments. “It’s very discretionary,” says Vasileff. “It is weighted with certain factors and the factors are enumerated in case law and legal texts. But how you apply these factors produces very different results.”
An example from Vasileff: “Let’s be happy and say we have $20 million and we’re going to split $20 million between the two of us. I could probably live on interest on $10 million, which then kind of affects the type of alimony I get because it’s accounted for. However, if we owe $100,000, have no savings, and are paycheck people, alimony becomes even more important as an element in this calculation. It’s case specific.”
Plan for contingencies
“If you’re relying on your other spouse to support you right now, you need to make sure you have contingency plans in place, that you have an emergency fund in case something happens and you don’t get support for that month, six months or if he or it falls off the face of the earth,” says Vasileff. They also want to make sure that their obligations to you are covered in case they die or something unforeseen happens. Vasileff emphasizes that it is important to protect yourself from unwanted surprises.
Think twice before giving up alimony
In some divorce cases, one party may forego alimony because they believe they are making enough themselves that they don’t need anything from their ex to make ends meet. However, Vasileff suggests that opening the door slightly, even with a small amount like a dollar year, allows renegotiation if something catastrophic happens. “Once you’ve waived alimony, it’s gone forever,” she says. “The door has closed and you cannot return for assistance under any circumstances. So alimony is a big deal. There are reasons not to pay alimony, but for the average person written on a paycheck, I’d think twice.”
Do not settle anything out of court
Once the alimony has been determined in a judgement, a party cannot unilaterally change it and decide, for example, that they will only pay every two months. Such a decision can only be made in court. However, some couples may come to some sort of handshake agreement, allowing a partner to skip a payment here and there. Vasileff advises against this because of the crooked path it leads to. “What if it becomes a routine behavior?” she asks. “‘I don’t want to pay you this month, but I will pay you in three months as a catch-up payment.’ And then they go on vacation in three months while you wait for your check. Once you start slipping and allowing and activating that, it’s a lot harder to push through.
Keep emotions out
The notion of taking someone to court for “everything they have” has become cliche in divorce negotiations, but the truth is, you don’t want to approach a child support negotiation with anything like malice or greed, because that’s just the way it is will tank more negative. “You’re telling me you’re going to attack everything I have and go after my jugular vein. What do you think I’ll do?” says Vasileff. “I will fight back. They need to get back to, ‘How is this transaction being executed and what is in my best interest for that to happen?’”
Do your homework
Even if you think you’ve read everything about child support payments, read on and then again. The more prepared you are, the less likely you are to be tripped up by something unexpected. “Preparation is the best defense you can have. Because managing expectations will save you money, it will save you legal fees, therapy fees, everything. And it sets the tone so you understand it’s a process. It’s not a sprint. It’s going to be a marathon. And you have to persevere and keep your energy at different times.”
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This article was originally published on 7/19/2018
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