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Episode 8: “The Fallout”. Faced with the consequences of her choices, Paulina becomes increasingly estranged from her family – but meets Gina, a cousin who left the community decades ago. And Paulina turns to her ultimate battle: fighting to keep her children in court.
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The biblical King Solomon is known for his God-given wisdom and discernment. One day, so the story goes, two women appeared before him, each claiming to be the mother of the same baby. Unable to determine who the real mother was, Solomon proposed dividing the baby in half and giving each woman an equal share. The first wife begged Solomon to spare the child’s life, even if it meant giving up her claim to the baby. The second wife readily agreed to Solomon’s suggestion of cutting the baby in half. Solomon then declared the first woman the true mother because she had shown that she cared more about the baby’s welfare than her own desire for custody.
The story is a reminder that true wisdom lies not only in knowledge, but also in understanding the human heart when it comes to making decisions that uphold justice and compassion.
But most custody battles aren’t that easy to resolve. And almost no one would accept an outcome like killing a baby to annoy the other party. Therefore, this story is a biblical story and not a legal precedent.
The fact is, child custody battles are often very ugly and drawn out. It’s an emotional tug of war. Even in a scenario where children’s time is divided evenly between parents, managing that division is a logistical nightmare. Lifestyles need to be reviewed and weighed fairly against each other. It is very difficult to come to an agreement that will prevent resentment and resentment from arising.
Human connections can seldom be neatly divided. Deciding what is fair in a custody case can be tricky, subjective territory. Ultimately, most judges try to put the welfare of the children first. However, there is no standard measure of well-being. As such, child custody settlements are often uncomfortable or uneven divisions that run along fault lines in the relationship that once formed the basis of the children’s lives.
For the justice system – with its supposed “blindness” or stoic objectivity – to decide such an emotional and personal matter feels like an odd contradiction. It means examining and questioning complex, differentiated interpersonal relationships and cultural dynamics.
Paulina and Bobby each wanted majority custody of their two daughters. And in their custody battle, Roma culture—or at least the version of Roma culture Paulina and Bobby grew up with—was a central issue.
Paulina argued that culture was harmful to girls, that it could get in the way of their education, and that spending too much time in their grandparents’ busy homes would be bad for girls.
I’m not suggesting that not everyone in Roma-Gypsy culture supports schooling, women’s rights, or education. But because of my experience and my family, that was the case.
— Paulina Stevens in Foretold
Bobby disagreed, saying in his court filings that he would keep the girls in school. And as his attorney explained on the podcast, Bobby argued it was important for the girls to immerse themselves in their heritage.
The Roma culture is a very family-oriented people, getting together at the weekends each week and celebrating family. And I think that’s how you pass on history and culture. And their culture, as you may know, is passed down for thousands of years.
— Richard Sullivan, Bobby Stevens’ attorney, in “Foretold”
It’s easy to see why this custody battle is more than just a series of decisions about how to raise the children, more than weekend handoff plans and child support payments.
As I listened to these two sides lash out during a multi-day custody battle, it almost seemed like it wasn’t just a question of which parents would get more time with the girls. It was about which culture was entitled to the future of the girls – which culture would educate them better.
— Faith Pinho in Foretold
What kind of separation would benefit the daughters the most? A judge had to decide that.
— Jasmine Aguilera
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