Question for Eric: I share custody of my child with my ex, but he is not a good person

Dear Eric, I have a three-year-old child with my ex-husband, with whom I currently have a very strained relationship.

I recently had to get a restraining order against him because he attacked me when I went to pick her up from his house. Although there are cases of domestic violence in the past, I am very happy to be rebuilding my life without that history.

She still sees him every other weekend. I want her to be able to form her own opinion about him one day, and I don't want my opinion to influence her thoughts.

How can I continue her relationship with him if I truly don't believe he is a good person?

– Conflict-ridden ex

Dear Conflict Patient: The best way to address the relationship right now might be to reconsider the terms of your custody arrangement.

He can't even pick someone up without physically assaulting them. This is not a safe joint custody arrangement and the blame is on him. You don't have to clean up his mess.

Thank you for protecting yourself with the restraining order. Please continue to seek help. If you do not have the opportunity to consult with your attorney, the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) offers a searchable database that will direct you to local legal resources.

Unless your ex gets the help he needs and begins to reconcile with you and your daughter, any relationship he develops with her will be unhealthy.

Over time, your opinion of him may not change. It will not be appropriate to vent to her, but your experiences are real and legally documented. Your feelings are valid. You can tell her the truth.

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(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)