30 Sep 2009?? — He got her second home, an investment property she bought in Costa Rica, and $96,000 a year in child support.
She got angry.
“It’s so obscene,” said Holly Chiancola, 52, a Gloucester, Mass. real estate agent who is fighting the terms of a 2006 divorce settlement ordered by a judge.
In the past, you’ve heard from divorced men complaining that their ex-wives are unjustly taking their incomes. Now that more and more women are becoming the main breadwinners, the grievances are increasingly coming from them. The number of American men receiving child support has increased from 7,000 in 1998 to 13,000 last year, according to the US Census Bureau
Among them is Chiancola’s ex, who declined to comment on the story.
Thanks in part to the real estate boom that preceded the financial crisis, Chiancola earned significantly more than her ex-husband, who was an occasional carpenter and model, during their 19-year marriage. She said her ex didn’t hesitate to take advantage – even though her income has plummeted after the housing boom years and she’s now struggling to make her mortgage payments.
Chiancola said she partly blames her predicament on Massachusetts’ “outdated” divorce laws — she’s a supporter of the Mass Alimony Reform group — but she’s also deeply outraged by her husband.
“He’s going for the carotid artery, believe me,” she said.
Aggressive seeking of spousal support by men is becoming more common, some divorce attorneys say, as the stigma of asking for alimony is fading.
“In the beginning, men were a bit embarrassed about asking for alimony because it exceeded their defined role in the culture. That’s diminished,” said Marlene Moses, the president-elect of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, an organization of family law attorneys. “There has been a revolution in men and their rights and the vigor with which they pursue legal opportunities for themselves.”
It’s a revolution, experts say, that’s been going on for more than 20 years — actress Joan Collins’ divorce and alimony case made headlines in the 1980s — but today it still catches some women unprepared.
Take Terry, a 56-year-old Florida health care worker who asked that her last name be withheld because her divorce from her husband is pending.
“He’s a very independent man, a very macho guy, and I was quite surprised that he would ask for child support,” Terry said.
Support ex-husband: “I helped her”
Terry said her soon-to-be ex is charging $2,500 a month in child support — and she’s fighting it.
Terry, who earns more than $100,000 a year, said she doesn’t oppose the principle of women paying child support to their ex-spouses. But in her case, she said, it’s not justified. Her husband was fired from an $85,000-a-year job a few months ago, but “he’s perfectly capable of making a living.”
For some men, as for some women, it is past experience, not future earning potential, that weighs heavily on their decision to seek child support. A divorced New England man told ABCNews.com he has earned tens of thousands in child support payments because he played a key role in his ex-wife’s professional success.
“I helped her out behind the scenes,” said the man, who asked not to be named due to ongoing divorce proceedings. Without him, he said, “she absolutely couldn’t have done what she did.”
Despite the increase in men claiming and receiving alimony, advocates warn against associating the trend with equality in the courtroom. Family court judges still tend to favor women, said Ned Holstein, founder of Fathers & Families, a group campaigning for family court reform.
“Family courts still overwhelmingly give custody to mothers, child support to mothers, and courts still overwhelmingly give handouts to mothers and women,” he said.
“The family courts came about years ago to give mothers things that mothers need,” he said. “Times have changed and the courts have not.”
Recession brings more alimony for men?
Today’s economy is potentially adding new men to the ranks of those seeking a living. While traditionally male-dominated industries such as finance and construction continue to struggle, increasing numbers of men are finding themselves with lower incomes or no income at all, forcing a newfound dependence on their wives or, in some cases, ex-wives.
Earlier this year, a British judge ruled that Elena Bowes Marano is fighting her ex, property magnate Peter Marano, for £5million (ca family.
Such instances notwithstanding, reversing traditional gender roles in a divorce doesn’t necessarily lead to more acrimony, experts say.
Alexis Martin Neely, a prominent California family attorney, is a dependent woman who is happy with her divorce settlement. Her husband’s support, she said, allows him to spend time with their children.
“I really like that he’s available for the kids and their school events, and when he can’t work and do that, I’d rather support him to be ready for them,” she wrote in a blog post. “He deserves it and so does she.”
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